Agnostic Jokes 11

A christian asks an Agnostic, 
"What did You have at the Atheist dinner?"
"Some spaghetti, meatballs, and 769 green peas."
"Do not bullshit me, when did You count the peas?"
"When Richard Dawkins stood up to give his speech."




Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke,
don't fix it.

Atheists believe that if it ain't broke,
it doesn't have enough lack of belief yet.




Light travels faster than sound. 

This is why some Atheists appear bright
until you hear them speak. 

Three men, a Christian, an Atheist, and
an Agnostic, were condemned to be executed. 

Their captors told them that they had 
the right to have a final meal before the execution.

They asked the Christian what he wanted.
"Give me the body and blood of Christ" he requested. 
So they gave it to him, he ate it, 
and then they executed him. 

Next it was the Atheists turn.
"Give me a big plate of pasta, 
the spaghetti and a meat a balls" 
said the Atheist. 
So they brought it to him,
 he ate it, and then they executed him.

Now it was the Agnostic's turn. 
"I want a big bowl of strawberries, "
said the Agnostic. "Strawberries!!!
They aren't even in season!"
"So, I'll wait..."




An Atheist, an Agnostic and a Christian are working on a 

very high scaffolding. Suddenly, the Atheist falls off.
He is killed instantaneously.
After the ambulance leaves with the Atheist's body, 
The Agnostic and the Christian realize 
they'll have to inform his wife.

The Agnostic says he's good at this sort of
sensitive stuff, 
so he volunteers to do the job.

After two hours he returns, carrying a large bowl of 
spaghetti and a meat a balls. 
"So did you tell her?" asks the Christian.

"Yep", replies The Agnostic.

"Say, where did you get the large
bowl of spaghetti and a meat a balls?"

The Agnostic informs the Christian. 
"She bought it for me, the Atheists wife."

"WHAT??" exclaims the Christian, "you just told her, 
her husband died and she bought you
a large bowl of spaghetti and a meat a balls?"

"Sure," The Agnostic says.

"WHY?" asks A Christian.

"Well," The Agnostic continues, 
"when she answered the door,
I asked her, 'are you the Atheist's widow?' 
'Widow?', she said, 
'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a widow!' 

So I said: "I'll bet you a large 
bowl of spaghetti and a meat a balls, you ARE!"




"Do you believe in life after death?" 

the Agnostic boss asked one of his atheist employees.

"NO!!!, Sir." the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes I suggest you adjust 
your lack of belief," the boss went on.
"After you left early yesterday 
to go to your grandmother's funeral, 
she stopped in to see you."

An Atheist, a Theist, an Agnostic, and a Gnostic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times.
The Gnostic chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The Atheist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space.
The Theist chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols and allowing the bible to be written.

The Agnostic chose the thermos bottle.
“Why a thermos bottle?” the others asked.
“Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer.”
“Yes — so what?”
“Think about it.” said the Agnostic reverently. That little bottle — how does it know?”