Agnostic, Christian, Atheist walking through a field come upon a farmer.
The farmer asks what is the best way to construct a fence that will contain his livestock (ie., most area for least perimeter). The Christian prays for guidance and concludes that the best way to do this is a square fence. The Atheist looks at him and laughs. “No, the best way is a circle”. The Christian concedes and they start building the fence.
The Agnostic just sits there for a while and eventually stands up, puts a small piece around himself and says “I declare myself to be outside”.
An Agnostic school teacher walking with his grade 12 class in a park come upon three men he knows arguing about the existence of God.
The first man comes over and says George you are a wise man these two fools say my belief in god is wrong what do you think? George says “You are right there is a God.” He smile and goes back to the argument
The second man comes over and says George you are a wise man these two fools say my lack of belief in god is wrong what do you think? George says “You are right to have a lack of belief in God.” He smile and goes back to the argument.
The third man comes over and says George you are a wise man and agnostic like myself these two fools say they know if god exists or does not what do you think? George says “You are right who knows if there is a God.” He smile and goes back to the argument.
Back at the school the students confront their teacher saying “all three of the men in the park came and asked your opinion on god and you agreed with all three why did you lie to them?” I did not lie to them says George told each in turn they were right.” “But why they cannot be all right?” Says one Student “But of course not, but you must understand, None of the three really wanted my opinion they just wanted me to agree with them.”
Agnostic, Christian, Atheist were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, It was God no question. It says so in the bible.”
The Atheist said, “No, it was evolution. It says so in science.”
The Agnostic said, “Actually it must have been an atheist. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, an atheist boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.
“Congregation,” the priest said before the assembled masses. “Does anybody know this boy’s name? Because I don’t know him, but his face rings a bell.”
An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself “Oh God, I’m screwed!!!!!.” There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: “No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.” So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief. As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, God smiles at the Atheist and a voice booms out again: “Okay …
.. NOW you’re screwed.”
What do you get when you cross an Atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?
Someone who knocks at your door for no reason.
A Christian, a Atheist and an Agnostic (it is said) were holidaying in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field.
“How interesting,” observed the Christian “all scottish sheep are black!”
To which the Atheist responded, “No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!”
The Agnostic gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned, “In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black.”
What is the difference between a Christian, an Atheist, and an Agnostic?
A Christian chooses to believe in God despite science.
An Atheist lacks a belief in god because there is no scientific proof of it.
An Agnostic sees no connection between science and religion.
An Atheist, a Theist, an Agnostic, and a Gnostic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times.
The Gnostic chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter.
The Atheist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space.
The Christian chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols and allowing the bible to be written.
The Agnostic chose the thermos bottle.
“Why a thermos bottle?” the others asked.
“Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer.”
“Yes — so what?”
“Think about it.” said the mystic reverently. That little bottle — how does it know?”
A Christian physics professor has been doing an experiment, and has worked out an empirical equation that seems to explain his data. He asks an Atheist math professor to look at it.
A week later, the Atheist math professor says the equation is invalid. By then, the Christian physics professor has used his equation to predict the results of further experiments, and he is getting excellent results, so he asks the Atheist math professor to look again.
Another week goes by, and they meet once more. The Atheist math professor tells the Christian physics professor the equation does work, “But only in the trivial case where the numbers are real and positive.”
Atheism is Christianity without thought.
Agnostics is Christianity without purpose.