An Atheist Mouthpiece

Penn-Jillette2

“Meet just one of those people”
Penn Jillette

“We aren’t people who believe that just because we’re performers our opinions on everything need to be known.”― Penn Jillette

“I have to agree with that statement too bad he doesn’t take his own advice and I would add it is better to be silent and thought a fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt”

You don’t have to be brave or a saint, a martyr, or even very smart to be an atheist. All you have to be able to say is “I don’t know”.”
― Penn Jillette, God, No!: Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales

“Is it just me or would that make you an agnostic, just imagine an atheist who just admits he does not know?

“We knew that we were kind of odd and creeps, and we wanted to do odd, creepy stuff for people who wanted to see that”.― Penn Jillette

“And now he spouts off every chance he gets just to get his gob in the media, whatever works I guess. Controversy sells.”

“Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around. If you’re looking for violent rape imagery, the Bible’s right there in your hotel room. If you just want to look up ways to screw people up, there it is, and you’re justified because God told you to.”― Penn Jillette

“If that’s not about 5 logical fallacies in one statement and deserving of one face palm I don’t know what is.”

“I’m a hardcore libertarian – I want everything legal – but I also believe that you have the right to free association.”― Penn Jillette

I’m guessing that applies to everything but religion…

“Atheism is a religion like not collecting stamps is a hobby.”
― Penn Jillette

“If there’s something you really want to believe, that’s what you should question the most.” ― Penn Jillette
Kinda like a belief that there is no god?

“God works in mysterious, inefficient, and breathtakingly cruel ways.”― Penn Jillette

He knows this how?

I believe that there is no God. I’m beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy — you can’t prove a negative, so there’s no work to do.
I’m saying, “This I believe: I believe there is no God.”― Penn Jillette

Now he wants to be a believer… https://agnostichumor.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/coin-toss/

Atheists are also morally obligated to tell the truth as we see it.

I wonder what truth do the know about god exactly?

We should preach and proselytize too.

Nobody talks more about god than someone who is in denial about his existance.

We need to help believers. Someone who believes in god is wasting big parts of his or her life, holding back science and love, and giving “moral” support to dangerous extremists.

Believers need your help like they need to see another card trick.

If you believe something, you must share it; it’s one of the ways we all learn about truth.― Penn Jillette

And the truth is

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And everything else out of his gob is just rhetoric.

 

 

 

Agnostic Humor 13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Atheist’s seem to lose their collective shit any time I tell them evolution is just a theory they treat it as if it is a commandment rather than a Theory. And then they come back with these rants on Oh ya if you think Evolution is a theory then you must think gravity is just a theory and then they start. I’ll stop and let you look at some Pics. And you decide for yourself.

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At first glance the little pseudointellectual scientists makes you think they are quite correct and the use of science to put down religion seems to work. Although I’m not sure what science has to do with religion.

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But rather me waste my time trying to argue with morons I’ll just let Sir Issac speak for himself.

 

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Yes indeed Gravity is a Law not a Theory…

 

Newton’s law of universal gravitation

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Newton’s law of universal gravitation states that every point mass in the universe attracts every other point mass with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. (Separately it was shown that large spherically symmetrical masses attract and are attracted as if all their mass were concentrated at their centers.)
So there you have it proof positive Atheists have no mass between their ears 🙂
Another Atheist Favorite is

-That which is asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.- Christopher Hitchens.

– An opinion offered when asked, can be accepted or dismissed with no evidence necessary. – Thats all I have to say.

 

I have listened to Atheists talk about how bad Christians are and how ignorant they are for believing in a God they cannot see. All the while holding up a lack of belief as if, it is somehow a valid position or moral compass and say you don’t need a God to be good.

Catholics started hospitals to care for the sick, they established orphanages and help the poor. They are the largest charitable organization on the planet, they educate more children than another scholarly or religious institution. They developed the Scientific Method and Laws of Evidence. They founded the College system Great Cities were named after their Saints. There are schools of Theology in almost every major university in the world.

No I don’t think you need a God to be good but that being said there is nothing wrong with faith. I have never seen an Atheist soup kitchen or even so much as a Preschool of Atheism and maybe they will name a great City after Hitchens but I lack a belief in that. But I did name my litter box after him after all he did like the Scotch too much and ended up shit faced quite often and he saw nothing wrong with beastiality God bless his soul. So with this you kill 2 birds with one stone so to speak.

Before you get on your keyboard and tell everyone how right and smart you are why not show everyone? Your actions will speak louder than any words you can contrive. Yes I know Atheists have a lack of belief and the haters are going to hate but…

An opinion with a lack of knowledge is called ignorance.

As an Agnostic I can only say that, I do not know, now ask yourself how much truth and wisdom is in that answer?

 

My rant is done 🙂

Agnostic Jokes 8

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If you ever want a laugh and see an atheists eyes glaze over just ask an atheist for proof that aliens exist. For some reason they do not believe in God but almost to a person they believe in aliens… And when they start defending their alien beliefs they use the same defense as Christians use for God its funny as shit. Try it for yourself. The best answer I got was … Do you actually think for one second that all the people who seen UFO’s and have been abducted are lying? EVERYONE is just liars? Is that what you think? My only answer was. You think that all the millions of people who claim to see God and speak to God every day and the miracles credited to God are all Lies? Is that what you think?

Agnostic Question1

While we are on the subject…

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George Bernard Shaw once famously quipped, “We learn from history that we learn nothing from history”. This quote is fitting to this piece of evidence that suggests the UFO phenomenon has been around as long as human civilization has existed and yet it is consistently dismissed. Today many UFO sightings are often explained away as being the US military testing some new technological weapon or plane, but this explanation cannot be used in a time when human flight was impossible.

The painting above is titled “The Madonna with Saint Giovannino” and dates back to around the 15th century. The painting depicts the Virgin Mary in the foreground, and in the background is what appears to be a man looking up in awe at an object that is strikingly similar to our modern day perception of a UFO.

This is not the only example of UFOs in ancient art. There are literally hundreds of examples of objects in the sky in many paintings spanning across the centuries. Strangely, the majority of the paintings depict UFOS in connection with a spiritual figure or experience. This could be how the people of the period interpreted the things they were seeing or perhaps there is a literal connection between the spiritual and UFOs.

Erich von Däniken, author of the famous and controversial Chariots of The Gods, suggests that our gods and angles maybe intelligent aliens. In the Old Testament, The Book of Ezekiel discusses an encounter with a strange flying object made of metal that took the shape of a wheel. Inside were four living creatures that looked like humans. Many people believe the Bible to be the literal word of God; it should be especially hard for those people to ignore this evidence. It is the Gospel after all.

Many may have a hard time taking the theories of Däniken seriously, but even respected astrophysicist Carl Sagan believed that we should seriously consider the possibility that extraterrestrial contact occurred in the past, so we should not completely dismiss this idea.

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Three days into the Apollo 11 flight the astronauts on board sent a strange message to mission control asking, “Do you have any idea where the S-4B is with respect to us?” The astronauts were asking where the final stage of the rocket was, which had been detached two days prior. The reason for this inquiry was because something was riding along side of the rocket and if it wasn’t part of the rocket, Apollo 11 had a visitor.

The crew on board did not want to make a big deal out of the object for fear that it would cause a panic and mission control would order the astronauts to abandon the mission. “The three of us were not going to blurt out, ‘hey Houston we got something moving along side of us and we don’t know what it is’ we weren’t about to do that…someone might of demanded we turn back because of aliens or whatever it is,” said astronaut Buzz Aldrin when discussing the situation at a later date.

Mission control did answer the astronaut’s cryptic question about the location of the S-4b unit. The unit was 6,000 miles from their location. What Aldrin and the other three astronauts were looking at was an Unidentified Flying Object exhibiting an intelligent flight path. In fact, according to Dr. David Baker, an Apollo 11 Senior Scientist, astronauts seeing UFOs is not uncommon and dates back to the early earth orbit space flights.

If your friend who works at the video store claims to have seen a sea monster, his story has very little credibility. If an experienced Naval Captain claims to have seen a sea monster then his sighting has tremendous credibility. If experienced and respected astronauts are seeing evidence of intelligent life outside of Earth it should also be taken very seriously.

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In 1977, at Ohio Sate University, The Big Ear radio telescope picked up an unusual signal. Big Ear used numbers and letters to determine the strength of a signal, 0 being meaningless noise and Z being a strong radio signal. An astronomer, Dr. Jerry R. Ehman, studying the data from the telescope was shocked when a radio signal clocking in at ‘6EQUJ5’ came from a seemingly empty spot in space. Ehman was so shocked that he circled the signal on the data sheet and simply wrote ‘Wow’.

The transmission lasted 37 seconds and came from the Sagittarius constellation. Even more interesting is the fact that the nearest star in that specific direction is 220 million light years away. In other words, the signal came from an empty spot in space. It is also interesting to note that the signal had all the characteristics of an interstellar broadcast.

Some have tried to explain that the signal is somehow of an Earthly origin, but this seems unlikely as the signal was in a frequency that is internationally banned on Earth. The conclusion that has the most evidence going for it is that it is of an extraterrestrial origin, and because there are no stars near where the signal was found one can conclude that it came from a spacecraft manned by intelligent entities.

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N = the number of civilizations in our galaxy with which communication might be possible;
R* = the average rate of star formation per year in our galaxy
ƒp = the fraction of those stars that have planets
ne = the average number of planets that can potentially support life per star that has planets
ƒℓ = the fraction of the above that actually go on to develop life at some point
fi = the fraction of the above that actually go on to develop intelligent life
ƒc = the fraction of civilizations that develop a technology that releases detectable signs of their existence into space
L = the length of time such civilizations release detectable signals into space.

Radio astronomer Frank Drake developed the Drake equation so he could estimate the number of planets harboring intelligent life in the galaxy by taking into consideration the factors listed above. A rigorous estimate using the Drake Equation was implemented in 2001, which also took into consideration the number of planets that are in the habitable zone (The habitable zone is an area around a star were water is in liquid form, temperature is ideal, and photosynthesis is possible). The results found that hundreds of thousands of life-bearing planets statistically should exist. It also suggested that a habitable planet like the Earth should exist just a few hundred light years away.

I find it unfair if I did not now also give equal mention to the Fermi paradox. The Fermi paradox states that if so many planets exist with intelligent life why is there a lack of contact between the intelligent life and us and why is there such a lack of physical evidence of said intelligent life. The paradox exists in that the Drake equation statistically proves life should be abundant and yet physical evidence says otherwise. It is hard to combat the arguments from the Fermi paradox except that some physical evidence does exist as you can see from this writing.

05

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In 2003, astronomers with the search for extraterrestrial intelligence (SETI) used a massive telescope to examine sections of the sky where they had previously found unexplained radio signals. They found another radio signal that was even stronger than what they had previously found.

The signal came from an area in space where there are no planets or stars and strangely was at a frequency that hydrogen absorbs, ensuring that the signal would be strong and could travel great distances. The signal was detected on three separate occasions.

“The signal is moving rapidly in frequency and you would expect that to happen if you are looking at a transmitter on a planet that’s rotating very rapidly and where the civilization is not correcting the transmission for the motion of the planet,” Says USB researcher Eric Korpela. Considering the signal operates as if it is intelligently operated and the fact that it was detected multiple times one has to consider this SETI signal the best candidate for proof of intelligent life on other planets.

These are not proofs of Alien existance of course there are none the claim that these highly suggest the possibility 🙂 Like the bible highly suggests the existence of god same idea. And both have been debunked The God by Zietgiest and the aliens by the ancient aliens debunked. and in turn Zietgiest has been debunked by the documentary Zietgiest debunked.

But what does stand up is the drake equation. now instead of employing the drake equation to support aliens use it to support god…

Agnostic Question1

ARGUMENT FROM “LET’S JUST NOT BELIEVE”

  1. All belief systems should be treated the same as the scientific one.
  2. [Theist: Why?]
  3. Because they have their own grounds.
  4. Anyway, that’s my experience of how the world works.
  5. [Theist: It’s not mine. And why should you treat claims of UFOs and aliens more seriously than claims of God’s existence?]
  6. I believe there are UFOs and aliens.
  7. But I don’t believe in God.
  8. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS

  1. I was once abducted by aliens.
  2. The Bible doesn’t say anything about aliens.
  3. If aliens exist, then God doesn’t.
  4. You’ve seen the X-files, haven’t you?
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

Agnostic Question1

What separates an atheist and a theist, the “Space”? A bit of nothing between the two?

Atheist & A theist nothing but a space to differentiate the two.

Theism/atheism is about beliefs and believers

Atheism believes there is no god, A theist believes there is a god

Atheists will say I do not believe in god like that’s any kind of distinction in the real world. Like a belief that there is no god, is somehow not a belief…

Theist  theos (Greek: θεος,   θεός “god”) Meaning God

Atheist  atheos (Greek: ἄθεος, from the privative ἀ-θεός “god”) Meaning Godless. Or without God

gnostic/agnostic is about knowledge
Thinking is always good.
People here are trying to make you believe one way or the other….
Make believe is not so good.
Knowing the difference is wisdom
And wisdom is knowing that you know nothing.
All agnostic say is I don’t know and I know you don’t know either.
No lie in that statement is there? You really don’t know do you? You just believe. Seems like a lot to do about nothing really.

I believe aliens exist vs. I believe aliens don’t exist.

Is one a alien and the other aalien? Or does alien mean without a lien? Someone who is debt free?

Well if jumping to conclusions was an Olympic event you would win gold. I’m agnostic … I’m the guy who does not know or pretend to know what ignorant people are sure off. Neither of you know anything you believe or don’t believe, which is make believe.

Agnostic Question1

Are their aliens and pink unicorns in my room?

Is god behind me I don’t know. Why don’t I know because unlike the pink unicorn or lion I don’t know what it looks like so I would not know if I tripped over god or not would I? So until somebody can define god as well as they have a pink unicorn I do not have enough data to warrant a definitive answer. So I just say hey I don’t know.

Now the little green Martians from the 60 and 70’s we must have gotten a newer version alien 2.0 or something in the 80’s because we shifted from green to grey alien grey guys with the buggy eyes. Green to grey in 40 years or so and I dig the new ship upgrades. Did they build them here or take the materials with them in the Mylar ships in the 70’s that crashed in Roswell?

So I have a definition of aliens and none in the room and I don’t know if they exist Just like the pink unicorns , them thar pink horses with one horn… Who picked pink.. must be an atheist thing.

Unlike god or lions.

Lions – 0% in room – 100% exist
Unicorns 0% in room – unknown exist
Aliens 0% in room – unknown exist
God unknown in room – unknown exist

See how comparing unicorns, faeries and aliens to compared to god just does not quite match up? Kind of like comparing apples to oranges. The Devil is in the details… 🙂

Agnostic Question1

Are atheist fundies a force of good…for nothing?

Atheism is not a philosophy; it is not even a view of the world; it is simply an admission of the obvious that they are non-believers and merely deny the existence of god with no proof to support their POV. In fact, “atheist” is a term that should not ever exist. No one ever needs to identify himself as a “non-astronaut” or a “non-rocket scientist”. We do not have words for people who doubt that Elvis is still alive or that aliens traversed the galaxy only to molest ranchers and their cattle and crash in Roswell because they forgot brakes. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make in the presence of unjustified religious beliefs. An atheist is simply a person who believes that the world of theists claiming to “never doubt the existence of God” should be obliged to present evidence for his existence-and, indeed, for his BENEVOLENCE, to this snivelling minority of pseudo scientists are smug in the knowledge of nothing but non-belief or shall we  say a lack there of.

Agnostic Question1

What do theists and atheists think an agnostic is anyways?

I’m agnostic there is no side… I’m not the neutral between two believers I’m the opposite of gnostic. I’m with the Dept. of Knowledge not the Ministry of Belief…or Lack of Belief. We deal with truth not faith… And the truth is “I don’t know”… and the gnostic would say, “And I know you don’t know either” (And an atheist would tell you this is a militant agnostic…) and that would be the truth. But you each have faith your right and believe it to be true. You are both fine until you cross the line into reality which is truth.

Agnostic Question1

The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.

Agnostic Jokes 4

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TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. If God doesn’t exist, then if reason exists, then God doesn’t exist.
  3. Reason exists.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

  1. If I say something doesn’t have a cause, it doesn’t have a cause.
  2. I say the universe doesn’t have a cause.
  3. Therefore, the universe doesn’t have a cause.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)

  1. I define God to be X.
  2. Since I cannot conceive of X, X must not exist.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)

  1. I can’t conceive of a perfect God.
  2. One of the qualities of perfection is existence.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. God, if existing, is either necessary or unnecessary.
  3. God is not necessary, therefore God must be unnecessary.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT

  1. Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn’t it complex?
  2. Evolution (aka random chance) is a good enough explanation for me how they became so complex.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT II)

  1. Isn’t that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?
  2. Evolution (aka random chance) is a good enough explanation for me how they became so beautiful.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF MIRACLES (I)

  1. My aunt had cancer.
  2. The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
  3. My aunt prayed to God, but she died from her cancer anyway.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

MORAL ARGUMENT (I)

  1. Person X, a well-known theist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

MORAL ARGUMENT (II)

  1. In my younger days I thought I was religious.
  2. Now I’m a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, atheist jerk.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CREATION VS EVOLUTION

  1. If evolution is true, then creationism is false, and therefore God doesn’t exist.
  2. Creation can’t be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it and am not at all interested in studying it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF FEAR

  1. If God exists then I’m going to Hell.
  2. I’m not afraid of Hell. New Jersey is much worse.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE

  1. [Arbitrary passage from OT]
  2. [Arbitrary passage from NT]
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE

  1. Look, there’s really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid theists — it’s too complicated for you to understand. God doesn’t exist whether you like it or not.
  2. Therefore, doesn’t God exist.

ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE

  1. Okay, I don’t pretend to be as intelligent as you guys — you’re obviously very well read. But I read the Skeptics Annotated Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God exists. I don’t feel him in my heart, and you are lying when you say you can feel him and see him working in your life. John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth?” That just proves what a evil, sadistic loser your God is.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF BELIEF

  1. If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
  2. I don’t believe in God.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION

  1. See my fist?
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

PARENTAL ARGUMENT

  1. My mommy and daddy told me that God doesn’t exist.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS

  1. Millions and millions of people don’t believe in God.
  2. They can’t all be wrong, can they?
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY (aka THE MOST COMMON ATHEIST ARGUMENT)

  1. B—s—!
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY

  1. God doesn’t exist, you bastards!
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

BOATWRIGHT’S ARGUMENT

  1. Ha ha ha.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY

  1. I forgot to take my meds.
  2. Therefore, THERE IS NO GOD!!
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY

  1. Some say that Eric Clapton is God, but I hate his music.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY

  1. There is a website that successfully argues for the non-existence of God.
  2. Here is the URL.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY

  1. Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
  2. No one has ever refuted 1.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM

  1. Telling people that God exists makes some televangelists filthy rich.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PUTTING THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE

  1. The Christian God doesn’t exist.
  2. Therefore, all worldviews which assume the Christian God’s existence are false and incomprehensible.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)

  1. Christians are blind to reason, intelligence and logic.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)

  1. God is hate.
  2. Hate isn’t blind.
  3. Ray Charles is blind.
  4. Therefore, Ray Charles isn’t God.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY

  1. Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
  2. Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
  3. I propose that God doesn’t exist.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. I don’t give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS

  1. F— you.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS

  1. People who see images of bearded faces or virgins in things like tortillas are fruitcakes and represent the whole of theism.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM KITCHEN APPLIANCES

  1. My toaster isn’t God.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COMPLETE DEVASTATION

  1. A plane crashed killing all 143 passengers and crew.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS

  1. If things had been different, then things would be different.
  2. That would be good.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL

  1. I DON’T believe in God! I DON’T believe in God! I don’t I don’t I don’t I DON’T believe in God!
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF

  1. The majority of the world’s population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE

  1. Person X died an theist.
  2. He now realizes his mistake.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. If you believe in him, people will always laugh at you.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE

  1. See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?
  2. That represents theism as a whole.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE HUMAN SPIRIT

  1. The human spirit doesn’t exist.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

DONAHUE’S ARGUMENT

  1. Check out this video segment.
  2. Now how can anyone watch that and believe in God?
  3. Is the caller there?
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ANTI-CALVINISTIC ARGUMENT

  1. If God exists, then unbelievers will be tortured forever.
  2. I don’t like that idea.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY

  1. Pots can give orders to the potter as long as the pots think they are morally superior somehow.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PRODUCT EVOLUTION

  1. Barbie dolls evolved.
  2. If Barbie dolls evolved, then so did plants and animals.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM

  1. God is supposedly everywhere.
  2. I haven’t personally seen God.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION

  1. GOD DOESN’T EXIST! GET USED TO IT!
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS

  1. Ask theists how the universe came to be.
  2. Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
  3. Continue process until the theist admits he doesn’t know the answer to one of your questions.
  4. You win!
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY

  1. How could God exist, you bozo?
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE OF HISTORY

  1. The Bible is completely false.
  2. Therefore, the Bible is toilet paper.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION

  1. If God exists, then he would be bringing people who have been decapitated back to life.
  2. No one who has been decapitated has been brought back to life.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BIOGENESIS

  1. Where did life come from, dummy?
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST ATHEISM

  1. A lot of really cool people didn’t believe in God their entire lives.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS

  1. Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
  2. I’m lonely, but Jesus hasn’t showed up.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHONISH ARGUMENTATION (aka ARGUMENT FROM CONTRADICTON aka ARGUMENT FROM THE AUTOMATIC GAINSAYING OF ANYTHING THE OTHER PERSON SAYS)

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. [Theist’s counterargument]
  3. No he doesn’t.
  4. [Theist’s counterargument]
  5. No he doesn’t!
  6. [Theist’s counterargument]
  7. NO HE DOESN’T!!!
  8. [Theist gives up and goes home]
  9. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION

  1. Here’s what some theists said about what God is: (a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby. (b) The love of a mother for her child. (c) Humankind’s potential to overcome their difficulties. (d) How I feel when I look at a sunset. (e) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
  2. These are all silly and superficial.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY

  1. We have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that theists are laughable morons.
  2. Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own insecurities about atheism — but there’s no chance in hell we’ll ever admit that.
  3. Therefore, theists are laughable morons.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF SUPERIORITY

  1. If God exists, then Christians are superior beings, since they are “special” in a cosmic sense.
  2. But Christians aren’t superior. They’re the same as everyone else.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MORAL STANDARDS

  1. There are no absolute moral standards because God doesn’t exist.
  2. Theists say that there are absolute moral standards.
  3. But that’s only because they want to condemn everyone (especially atheists) but themselves as sinners.
  4. Therefore, there are no absolute moral standards.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY

  1. Theists say that everyone needs God.
  2. Atheists say that they don’t need God.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)

  1. Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is possible, or very probable.
  2. But I must put on the appearance of being cool and intellectual in front of my atheist peers.
  3. Therefore, I must pretend that 1 is false.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DENYING THE BODY

  1. Theists like to think that they can control their “sinful” desires.
  2. But they’re theists, so they can’t.
  3. Therefore, some theists feel the need to take no enjoyment in anything because they are always worrying about committing sin.
  4. This just goes to show how their belief in God is damaging to their lives.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HATE

  1. Some theists hate atheists and atheism.
  2. That’s because they believe in God.
  3. Pathetic, aren’t they?
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTISTS WHO ARE THEISTS

  1. A certain scientist says that God does exist.
  2. But God doesn’t exist.
  3. Therefore, he cannot be accepted as an expert on the matter, because he is wrong.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS

  1. I’ve never had contact with evil spirits.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)

  1. Theists say that God does exist.
  2. But they only say that because they want to look holy and righteous in front of their peers.
  3. They don’t fool me!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HOVIND’S CHALLENGE

  1. Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural, acausal origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning with 100% certainty, allowing for no other possibilities whatsoever) in front of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind himself) and according to certain criteria (carefully worded so as to rule out any possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever being met).
  2. Atheists have dismissed this challenge as false, illogical, ignorant or otherwise bogus.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY

  1. No sane person could have thought up Christianity.
  2. Therefore, it was thought up by an insane person or persons.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EXHAUSTION (abridged)

  1. Do you agree with the utterly trivial proposition X?
  2. Theist: of course.
  3. How about the slightly modified proposition X’?
  4. Theist: Um, no, not really.
  5. Good. Since we agree, how about Y? Is that true?
  6. Theist: No! And I didn’t agree with X’!
  7. With the truths of these clearly established, surely you agree that Z is true as well?
  8. Theist: No. So far I have only agreed with X! Where is this going, anyway?
  9. I’m glad we all agree…..
  10. [Atheist goes on and on and on…]
  11. So now we have used propositions X, X’, Y, Y’, Z, Z’, P, P’, Q and Q’ to arrive at the obviously valid point R. Agreed?
  12. Theist: Like I said, so far I’ve only agreed with X. Where is this going?
  13. [Atheist continues to go on and on and on…]
  14. So we now conclude from this that propositions L”, L”’ and J” are true. Agreed?
  15. I HAVEN’T AGREED WITH ANYTHING YOU’VE SAID SINCE X! WHERE IS THIS GOING!?
  16. [Still going…]
  17. …and it follows that proposition HRV, SHQ” and BTU’ are all obviously valid. Agreed?
  18. [Theist either faints from overwork or leaves in disgust]
  19. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ALT.ATHEISM ARGUMENT (aka ARGUMENT FROM GENERAL INQUIRY)

  1. Question for theist population: [apparently random question]
  2. Your answer is wrong.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PLAGERISM

  1. I have written the following to demonstrate the non-existence of God.
  2. [Insert plagerized text of someone else’s article]
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM USE OF THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN

  1. When it comes to Christians, smearing their reputation is a higher calling than truth.
  2. Christians are all dirty, stinking liars.
  3. Therefore, God does not exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY

  1. You don’t understand all the big words I use.
  2. Therefore, I cannot possibly expect you to understand my refutation of your position.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE MEMORY

  1. [Atheist asks “stumper” question]
  2. [Christian answers question]
  3. [A lapse of time]
  4. [Atheist repeats question]
  5. [Christian repeats answer]
  6. [A lapse of time]
  7. [Atheist repeats question]
  8. [Christian repeats answer]
  9. [A lapse of time]
  10. Christian, you never answered my question.
  11. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE ECONOMICS

  1. Many Christian nations are poor or currently suffering poor economies.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY

  1. I’ve never had any experiences that can be explained only from the presumption that God exists.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INSTITUTIONAL LONGETIVITY

  1. Atheism has been around for a long time.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INEVITABILITY

  1. I have proof that God doesn’t exist.
  2. I won’t bother to tell you what it is because, being theists, you would be hostile to the conclusion anyway.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM “THE MATRIX”

  1. We cannot prove that we don’t live in a Matrix-like world.
  2. Therefore we cannot know reality.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SUBJECTIVITY

  1. Everything is subjective.
  2. No subjective proof can be superior to any other subjective proof.
  3. Based upon my subjective opinion, your opinion, that nothing is subjective then, perforce, God isn’t subjective, is false.
  4. Therefore, God (objectively) doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM POSTMODERNISM

  1. I’m going to prove to you that God doesn’t exist.
  2. [Insert any of the other arguments on this page in here]
  3. [Theist refutes argument]
  4. I cannot disprove God anymore than anyone of us can disprove we really exist in a tangible world.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exists.

META-DISPROOF

  1. This is a disproof of God’s existence.
  2. If the reader finishes reading this disproof, the non-existence of God will be proven to him/her.
  3. If the non-existence of God is proven, then God doesn’t exist.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

DISPROOF BY ANECDOTE

  1. Those who believe in God say they can see Him.
  2. If God exists, then He must be seen by everyone.
  3. I haven’t seen God.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL HISTORY

  1. Some modern historians think that there probably wasn’t somebody named Jesus, maybe.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DEMONS

  1. Some people say that demons were tap-dancing on their roof one day and that prayer made them go away.
  2. Therefore, these people are insane.
  3. Also, God doesn’t exist.

SAM GIBSON’S… ER… CYGNUS’ ARGUMENT (aka ARGUMENT FROM PI)

  1. This verse from the Bible proves that God says pi = 3.
  2. I asked some online math experts about this, but they didn’t support me.
  3. So I twisted their responses to make it appear that they supported me.
  4. Then I made sure to kick people out of my forums and threatened to post their personal information because they tried to show everyone that the math experts didn’t support me, but I said it’s because they didn’t stop using my real name (even though it’s found about a dozen times on my website).
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY

  1. I have a large number of arguments against God.
  2. One of them is probably true.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FORTUITOUS COINCIDENCE

  1. Theists often show the astronomical odds of something happening.
  2. I claim that their odds are false and misrepresentative, and also make reference to the Many Worlds Theory, which I completely believe in even though there is no physical evidence for it nor will evidence ever be found.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DAVID BLAINE

  1. If David Blaine does real magic, then God doesn’t exist.
  2. It looked real on his TV special.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MYSTERIOUS USE OF PREPOSITIONS

  1. It is impossible to prove God with your puny theist intellect.
  2. I’ll take that puzzled look on your face as proof that I am right.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TEEN ATHEISM MOVEMENT

  1. Theism totally sucks, dude, and if you would pretend that Marilyn Manson is a good band, you would realize that.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TOUNGES

  1. Some theists who I see as representing the whole of theism spontaneously speak some jibberish that they claim is some foreign language or another.
  2. But no one can understand what they are saying.
  3. The only explanation is that they are full of it.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EUROPEAN HISTORY

  1. Many prominent thinkers in pre-modern Europe didn’t believe in God.
  2. Let’s just forget about those who did.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN

  1. If there is a designer, then God must exist.
  2. If I find a watch in a forest, there must be a designer.
  3. [Atheist ignores the watch in forest]
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM (GENERAL) OFFENSE

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. [Theist makes counterarguments]
  3. You know what? I am offended.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSE TO PRAYER

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. [Theist makes counterarguments and prays for atheist]
  3. Take your prayers and shove ‘em where the sun don’t shine.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM

  1. I don’t know and you don’t know either.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist

ARGUMENT FROM LOVE

  1. Have you ever fallen in love?
  2. [Theist answers, “of course!!”]
  3. So what is the cause of love? Evolution is a good enough explanation for me and love is nothing but a chemical reaction in the brain, so it cannot have anything to do with God?
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM IDENTITY (aka PC ARGUMENT)

  1. Not believing in God is a central part of my identity.
  2. You don’t mean to deny my identity do you?
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING

  1. Behold, foolish theists, I present you with an incontrovertible proof of the non-existence of God.
  2. [Atheist posts 10,000 word document without a single paragraph break]
  3. [Theists’ eyes implode]
  4. I see that nobody can refute 2.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NON-CONFRONTATION

  1. I am not here to argue with you theists.
  2. But come on, God obviously doesn’t exist.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EXODUS

  1. If the Exodus story has any basis in historical fact, then God exists.
  2. I haven’t seen or accepted any evidence that it is.
  3. This means the Exodus story is false.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MARTYRDOM

  1. The apostles definitely would have willingly died for something they knew wasn’t true because they were trying to overthrow governments and gain power.
  2. There are martyrs outside Christendom who did the same thing.
  3. Obviously those examples prove Christian martyrdom was about gaining power.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TINKERBELL

  1. I really want God to be fake.
  2. If you wish for something really hard, it’ll come true.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF PROOF

  1. You can’t prove God exists!
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE (I)

  1. I once experienced something I can’t explain.
  2. I can come up with several possible, natural explanations which do not fit the facts, but make me feel comfortable.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE (II)

  1. I have never experienced feelings of God’s presence in my mind.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NEUROSCIENCE

  1. Scientists say a portion of our brain may be responsible for mystical experiences.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EYEWITNESS (I)

  1. You weren’t there to witness the Creation/the Flood/the Exodus/the Crucifixion/the Resurrection/etc.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EYEWITNESS (II) (sometimes follows or combined with the previous disproof)

  1. Someone wrote the Creation story in the Bible.
  2. That someone obviously wasn’t an eyewitness to the described events because they are completely unbelievable (and I think there are two very different Creation accounts in Genesis 1 and 2).
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EYEWITNESS (III)

  1. No one’s ever seen God.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HALF A WING

  1. Half of a wing may be useless, but that just means evolution is real and was working properly!
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PREFERRED ANCESTRY

  1. I don’t want to be created by God.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FOOLISHNESS

  1. The bible says atheists are fools.
  2. I don’t like being called names.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FARRELL TILL

  1. Farrell Till says God does not exist.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FARRELL TILL (II)

  1. If God exists, he would strike Farrell Till dead.
  2. Farrell Till is still alive.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PIG’S TEETH

  1. Some scientists once thought a tooth was from an “ape-man.”
  2. Later scientists discovered it was a pig’s tooth.
  3. That’s how science works and it doesn’t disprove the evolution of man from “ape-men.”
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION

  1. Someone made fun of my atheism.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM JESUS SAID STUFF

  1. Jesus said some stuff.
  2. I think that a lot of the stuff he said was horrible and unloving.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PERCEIVED LACK OF DIFFERENCES

  1. I say that the Christian God isn’t any different than the gods of other religions.
  2. Therefore, the Christian God doesn’t exist.

THE ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN IMMORALITY (although it could probably be adapted to just about any belief or non-belief)

  1. Somewhere, someone who called himself or herself a Christian did something evil.
  2. This person was probably not lying.
  3. Therefore, this person was a Christian.
  4. Therefore, Christians do evil things.
  5. Therefore, Christians are not moral.
  6. Christians believe in the Bible.
  7. Therefore, the Bible is not moral.
  8. The Bible is God’s word. It says so.
  9. Therefore, God is not moral.
  10. (We are just ignoring all the nice things that Christians have done in the past and present, it’s hard to trust history and the news anyway.)
  11. An immoral God would be really evil.
  12. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

THE ARGUMENT FROM CRAZINESS

  1. I would have to go crazy to believe in God.
  2. I am not crazy.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist

ARGUMENT FROM CHOCOLATE

  1. Some shallow theists say that chocolate is God’s gift to humanity.
  2. I hate chocolate.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (II)

  1. Jesus said that people would persecute Christians.
  2. I say they aren’t and never have been.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WWJD

  1. Some Christians have the “What Would Jesus Do?” T-shirt, bracelet, baseball hat, and shoelaces.
  2. Some don’t wear them in public.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (III)

  1. You theists are mean!
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INTEREST

  1. If God really does exist then theists wouldn’t have to spend so much time talking about him.
  2. Theists constantly talk about God.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RELIABLE SENSES

  1. You assume that your senses are reliable even though you can’t prove it.
  2. That means I get to assume anything I want.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORITY

  1. [Atheist posts argument]
  2. [Christian refutes argument]
  3. Christian, you obviously didn’t understand my argument.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CATCH-PHRASE

  1. There are no atheists in foxholes.
  2. [Atheist points out atheists who claim to have been atheists while in foxholes]
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ARBITRARY IMPROBABILITY

  1. We shouldn’t believe what probably isn’t true.
  2. I have arbitrarily assigned the proposition “God exists” a probability of 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001%.
  3. That probability came from my rear end, which I know assigns extremely accurate probabilities to propositions concerning the non-existence of God.
  4. So God probably doesn’t exists.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FREE GIFT

  1. If some guy came up to you on the street and offered you a billion dollars for nothing in return, would you take the money or deny his existence?
  2. (This is an extremely poor analogy of Christ, but we’ll ignore that point.)
  3. No one has ever offered me a billion dollars.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CHARITY

  1. Atheists don’t build hospitals.
  2. [Atheist points out Bill Gates and Ted Turner, who donate millions of dollars to charity]
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SERIOUS ASSERTION

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. No, seriously.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM POSITIVE OUTCOME

  1. Even if God did exist, it would be better if people believed He didn’t.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF PHYSICAL EVIDENCE

  1. I believe that if God exists, there will be physical evidence for his existence.
  2. There is no physical evidence for the existence of God.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (II)

  1. God, if you exist, you’ll give me a million dollars, a Playstation 2 with all the games, and a girlfriend.
  2. [Nothing happens]
  3. [Atheist waits and might even repeat demand]
  4. [Nothing happens]
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM IDIOCY

  1. I am an idiot.
  2. Even an idiot can see that God doesn’t exist.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (I)

  1. Terrorists destroyed the WTC, killing thousands.
  2. One piece of the rubble sort of looks like a cross.
  3. God obviously was more interested in making this cross than saving lives.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (II)

  1. A plane was hijacked by terrorists.
  2. The passengers prayed and attacked the terrorists.
  3. The plane crashed into a field, killing all aboard.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (III)

  1. September 11th was really, really bad.
  2. We have bad things happen to us all the time.
  3. Therefore, September 11th wasn’t a punishment for something we did.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MASS MURDER

  1. Stalin was an atheist.
  2. He murdered millions of people.
  3. I say that his murderousness didn’t stem from atheism.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TORNADOS

  1. A large tornado hit Anytown, USA.
  2. The tornado destroyed churches.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SPAGHETTI

  1. A few people saw something weird in a bowl of spaghetti.
  2. Some Catholics believe that it is the Virgin Mary.
  3. They’re obviously kooks.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MONEY

  1. All U.S. currency contains the motto “In God We Trust.”
  2. This was obviously done to force people to believe in theism.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE

  1. The Pledge clearly states that America is “one nation, under God.”
  2. This was obviously done to force people to believe in theism.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS (I)

  1. A very small number of America’s Founding Fathers wrote critically about Christianity and the Bible.
  2. These Founding Fathers were really, really smart.
  3. Accordingly, Christianity and the Bible must be false.
  4. Christianity and the Bible say that God exists.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS (II)

  1. The Declaration of Independence includes the words “God” and “Creator”.
  2. This was written by a deist who didn’t believe in the Christian God!
  3. Therefore this isn’t a Christian Nation.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PAGAN EGYPT

  1. When the Jews came to Egypt (not that I believe they do, since the Bible is false and there is no evidence they ever did), it was a pagan nation, ruled by a pagan Pharoah.
  2. If God really existed, the Jews would have been able to convert the entire country (except that they were never there to begin with).
  3. The Jews obviously weren’t able to change anything because Egypt remained a pagan nation with a pagan ruler after the Exodus (which never happened).
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM STORY PLOTS

  1. The bible has lots of books written by lots of authors over a long period of time.
  2. Despite centuries of vigorous apologetics, theists haven’t been able to forge a coherent plot for the whole bible that I can understand.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LIKE OTHER RELIGIONS (I) (aka ARGUMENT FROM COPYCATTING aka ARGUMENT FROM STRETCHING THE TRUTH TO THE LIMIT)

  1. The Bible said Jesus was born of a virgin, died for our sins and is the light of the world.
  2. [Atheist takes primary figures from some other religions, stretches the truth, and makes them fit what the Bible says about Jesus.]
  3. Therefore, the Christian God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LIKE OTHER RELIGIONS (II) (aka ARGUMENT FROM COPYCATTING II aka ARGUMENT FROM STRETCHING THE TRUTH TO THE LIMIT II)

  1. The Bible said Jesus rose from the dead.
  2. [Atheist takes primary figures from some other religions, stretches the truth, and makes them fit what the Bible says about Jesus.]
  3. Therefore, the Christian God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FORCE

  1. [Atheist tears Jesus Fish off car, breaks it in thirds, sticks it to driver’s side window.]
  2. Therefore, Creationism is wrong.
  3. Therefore, the theory of evolution is right.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EXODUS (II)

  1. There is little archaeological evidence for the events in Exodus.
  2. There is little archaeological evidence for a lot of ancient people, places and events, yet they are still accepted as fact.
  3. But I can’t believe the Exodus actually happened.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PROPHECY

  1. The book of Daniel made some prophecies.
  2. The prophecy was later fulfilled by other records in the Book of Daniel.
  3. The prophecy obviously was written after the fact!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SHAME

  1. The Bible showed a group of people performing embarassing actions.
  2. It must be false if the book describes negative events because God would never let people he favors do those things.
  3. The Bible isn’t describing historical events.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EQUAL VALUE (aka PC ARGUMENT II)

  1. Evolution and the scientific worldview is a worldview. Similarly, the biblical worldview is a worldview.
  2. You are not discriminating against our worldview are you?
  3. The scientific worldview is as good as the biblical worldview.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MODERATION (often employed by liberals)

  1. The Creationist side occupies an extreme side of the spectrum.
  2. Similarly, the atheist side occupies another extreme side of the spectrum.
  3. The liberals are in between.
  4. Therefore, the liberal position on God is the most correct.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM JACK CHICK

  1. I have all these stupid Jesus comics.
  2. Those comics sure didn’t convince me!
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EVIDENTIAL ASSERTION

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. Therefore all physical evidence (fossil record, etc.) must show this.
  3. Therefore it does.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MEANNESS

  1. If God did exist, it would be mean of him to make me believe he didn’t!
  2. The Bible portrays God as mean.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WE ALL HAVE FAITH

  1. We all believe things.
  2. But belief isn’t faith.
  3. My belief that the sun will rise tomorrow morning is very different from your faith in the existence of God.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COOLNESS

  1. I’m really cool.
  2. Cool people don’t believe in God.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WTC (II)

  1. Terrorists destroyed the WTC, killing thousands.
  2. An intact Bible was found in the ruins.
  3. No, wait, it turns out it was a dictionary.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING (usable by parents only)

  1. You don’t believe in God.
  2. If I ever find out that you do believe in God, you won’t get any money for college!
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SNOWFLAKES

  1. If God existed, he could make all snowflakes the same.
  2. Out of 3,300 pictures of snow-crystals catalogued, no two are exactly alike.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CUSTODY

  1. I have legal custody of our son.
  2. If you act as though the Christian God exists, then I won’t let you see him.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FIDEISM

  1. Theists are absolutely right. There is no logical reason to disbelieve God exists.
  2. But disbelief makes me feel good.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ENERGY

  1. Things that exist have energy.
  2. Energy isn’t alive.
  3. All living things are made from energy.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM A BAD TRIP

  1. I went to a party and took LSD.
  2. I saw demons attacking me.
  3. Then Jesus came and drove the demons away.
  4. All religious experiences are obviously drug-induced hallucinations.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM STUPIDITY

  1. I am stupid.
  2. God made man in his own image.
  3. There are all horrible disasters going around the world.
  4. God is omnipotent in power.
  5. God is too stupid to do anything about these things.
  6. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK

  1. Christianity is Borg.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER

  1. When I used to pray, I never got what I wanted (like a million dollars, a Playstation 2 with all the games, and a girlfriend).
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DEMOCRACY

  1. God would never allow a non-Christian to become president.
  2. There have been non-Christian presidents.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HELL

  1. If I don’t believe God exists, I’ll go to Hell.
  2. I can’t comprehend that a loving God would send people to Hell.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MOUNTAINS

  1. People used to think gods lived on Mt. Olympus.
  2. We’ve climbed Mt. Olympus and there were no gods there.
  3. Therefore, all gods are false.
  4. Therefore, the Christian God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FUZZY ANIMALS (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT III)

  1. Bunnies are cute.
  2. Perceiving cuteness is an evolutionary advantage.
  3. Therefore, cuteness must have evolved.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM POLITICS

  1. The vast majority of the people believe in God.
  2. I’ll get elected if I pretend to believe in God.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PRESIDENTIAL INFIDELITY

  1. If God exists and he blesses America, we’d always have moral presidents.
  2. Clinton lied about a lot of things, including not having sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RAIN

  1. I was driving home when it started to rain really hard outside.
  2. I pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the rain to let up, which it did without the need for prayer.
  3. I arrived home safely.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COMPUTERS

  1. I deleted a copy of the TEN COMMANDMENTS from my computer.
  2. If God existed, he wouldn’t have allowed this to happen.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INVISIBILITY

  1. I can’t see God.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RAIN (II) (aka ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER II)

  1. I wanted it to be a sunny day.
  2. I prayed it wouldn’t rain.
  3. We had two thunderstorms.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DEGREES

  1. I Have a philosophy degree.
  2. Your knowledge in philosophy is paltry in comparison to mine.
  3. Therefore you are unable to comprehend my intense philosophical proofs proving God’s non-existence.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ARBITRARY UNNECESSITY

  1. I created the term “arbitrary unnecessity”.
  2. It is a golden principle and applies to whatever I say it does.
  3. I say an eternal universe is an arbitrary unnecessity.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER (I)

  1. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Ben Franklin
  2. American beer is swill.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER (II)

  1. Christian: Whatever you believe in is your god.
  2. Atheist: I believe I’ll have another beer.
  3. Ha ha.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MONKEYS

  1. If man came from monkeys, there’d still be monkeys.
  2. There are still monkeys.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THOMAS PAINE

  1. Thomas Paine had a lot of good arguments against Christianity… at least that’s what all my atheist friends tell me…
  2. Thomas Paine was a great early American, too!
  3. So anything he said must be right!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NON-DESTRUCTION OF EVIL

  1. I woke up this morning and found that evil still exists.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DEAD FIREFIGHTERS

  1. Some atheist firefighters gave their lives.
  2. For people they didn’t even know!
  3. Yes, they were TOO atheists!
  4. I just know!
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TODD BEAMER

  1. Todd Beamer prayed “Our Father” with a switchboard operator after his flight was hijacked.
  2. Todd Beamer died.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FALWELL

  1. Jerry Falwell said some really stupid things after September 11th.
  2. Then he apologized!
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTISTS

  1. Some famous scientists didn’t and don’t believe in God.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FLOWERS

  1. That flower is pretty.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NON-INSTRUMENTATION

  1. You are an theist.
  2. You did something bad.
  3. You are obviously not an instrument of God.
  4. God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS

  1. Quantum physics uses an uncertainty principle.
  2. But there is no room for God in science.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THERMODYNAMICS

  1. The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that a closed system tends to disorder.
  2. The universe is ordered.
  3. It did this by itself without any intervention by a higher power (like how a jar of oil, water and sand will “order itself”).
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SONGS

  1. The song “Dear God” by XTC has the line “If there’s one thing I don’t believe in… It’s you, dear God..”
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM APOLOGETICS WEBPAGES

  1. I was surfing the Net and came across this webpage of apologetics.
  2. Their arguments were stupid. A monkey could refute them.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF COMFORT

  1. All kinds of people have found no comfort in religion.
  2. That means there isn’t anything there to give comfort to them.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ACTIVISM

  1. Atheism is affirming this country’s secular roots!
  2. We are atheists!
  3. We will make a big stink about this, and not let theists win!
  4. We will win because we are right!
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EXISTENTIALISIC LONELINESS

  1. This is all there is to existence.
  2. It’s horrible, pointless, brutal and nasty.
  3. It’s depressing.
  4. I’m lonely.
  5. There is nothing else out there.
  6. I mean it, there just can’t be.
  7. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE OUT THERE!
  8. AGGGRRG!!! THERE JUST CAN’T BE!!!!
  9. God! He can’t be out there for me.
  10. I’m still so lonely!
  11. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SINS I LIKE

  1. I like X.
  2. This isn’t just my opinion.
  3. It is backed up with facts.
  4. It has nothing to do with morals, but facts.
  5. Christians say X is a sin.
  6. But for a sin to exist and Christians to be right, God must exist.
  7. I don’t believe X is a sin.
  8. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ATHEIST SOLIPSISM

  1. Everything but God is real.
  2. See #1.

ARGUMENT FROM THE THRONE ROOM

  1. Yes, I would stand in the presence of a mighty king and demand that he prove he exists.
  2. I don’t care if you believe that’s what I’m doing with God, you arrogant jerks.
  3. I don’t CARE!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION

  1. I couldn’t imagine believing in God.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WOW

  1. When I look into the sky and see all the pretty stars, all those galaxies…
  2. Wow.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM KINDLY PSYCHOANALYSIS

  1. You say there’s a God? Ah, someone calling himself an atheist must have really hurt you in the past
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE IGNORED

  1. Dembski, Behe and Plantinga are ignored by mainstream intellectuals.
  2. Their work and opinions don’t prove God exists.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE NOT IGNORED

  1. Mainstream intellectuals are paying some attention to Dembski, Behe and Plantinga.
  2. Their work and opinions don’t prove God exists.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COUNTERFACTUAL EVIDENCE

  1. Christians claim the evidence for Jesus’ divinity is abundant.
  2. But even if there were lots of evidence, I would still not be convinced.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF MIRACLES (II)

  1. Christians say that atheists wouldn’t believe in God even if He showed up and performed a miracle for them.
  2. Can you tell me why God doesn’t perform miracles for atheists?
  3. No?
  4. Then you must be an idiot, because God could do that for them.
  5. But no miracles happen.
  6. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WIND

  1. You believe in wind.
  2. But you can’t see it.
  3. But God isn’t the same way.
  4. I can see the effects of the wind, but not the effects of God.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WARREN ROBINETT

  1. There’s a secret message in the old Atari video game “Adventure.”
  2. It reveals that the game was created by Warren Robinett.
  3. But it’s not the same way with the world.
  4. There are no secret messages from God.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSIVENESS

  1. You keep making statements that I think are generalizations, hypocritical, and bigoted.
  2. I will only agree to stay if you stop that.
  3. [Theist tries to be non-offensive]
  4. You’re still offending me because of [insert random statement here].
  5. [Theist rereads her posts before posting, posting when she thinks she is not being offensive].
  6. I’m offended!
  7. [Theist tears her hair out trying to figure out how to be non-offensive]
  8. This conversation is just the two of us. I think we should stop this conversation.
  9. [Theist figures ‘Forget it’ and posts what she really thinks]
  10. WOW! WHAT A BIGOT! I’m leaving!
  11. I have a victory.
  12. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (II)

  1. I have a large number of arguments against God.
  2. There is a small chance that each of them is true.
  3. Using voodoo probability calculations, this means that there is a much greater chance that all of them are true taken together!
  4. And this ISN’T just the mathematical version of the Ontological Proof, I’m a real mathematician and you obviously can’t understand this proof because you don’t know as much about math as me.
  5. Oh, and don’t confuse things by mentioning how many theistic arguments there are, and the probability of each of them being correct…
  6. Or the fact that I basically pulled the probability of each of my arguments being correct out of my rear end…
  7. And admit that I know more about math than you, and you’ll see that…
  8. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES

  1. One time, I was in deep emotional pain.
  2. I prayed to God and nothing happened.
  3. You aren’t going to deny my emotional pain, are you?
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ABUSING THE BODY

  1. One time, I fasted for three days straight, prayed on my knees for hours, and didn’t sleep, either.
  2. At the end of that time, God never answered me.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ECSTASY

  1. I woke up last night with a feeling of indescribable pleasure and joy.
  2. It was most likely sexual.
  3. So the ecstasy couldn’t have come from God because God hates sex.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FORMALIZED PANHANDLING

  1. I don’t want to work for a living.
  2. I don’t want to pay taxes.
  3. I can get gullible fundamentalist atheists to send me money.
  4. I can use exemption claims to tie the IRS up in court.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist!

ARGUMENT FROM NOT FEELING LOVE ALL AROUND

  1. I don’t feel love all around me. I know the world is a cruel place, that people are uncaring, and that that comes from evolved human behavior.
  2. I don’t know how I know. It’s not backed up by anything. It’s just there.
  3. I don’t know how I know. Stop pestering me!
  4. [Cries until theist goes away]
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MUSIC (could also be used for art)

  1. I like classical music.
  2. Classical composers said they wrote for God.
  3. But they had to compose for the Church or they would have been executed.
  4. So they weren’t actually writing for God.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (I)

  1. Some people claiming to be Christians enjoy beating children.
  2. They claim that there is some justification for it in the Bible.
  3. I believe them.
  4. I claim that they represent the whole of Christianity.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SADISM (II)

  1. Some claiming to be Christians enjoy treating women like dirt. It makes them feel powerful.
  2. They claim that there is some justification for it in the Bible.
  3. I believe them.
  4. I claim that they represent the whole of Christianity.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (II)

  1. The Bible says the Bible is true.
  2. This is a circular argument.
  3. Therefore the Bible is false.
  4. The Bible says God exists.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

  1. We should give people the benefit of the doubt.
  2. When someone says God doesn’t exist, we should believe them.
  3. A lot of people say God doesn’t exist.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ANTI-PASCAL’S ARGUMENT

  1. If God exists, it would really suck.
  2. If God didn’t exist, it would be really cool.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

THE BIBLICAL ALTERATION ARGUMENT

  1. The Bible has been deliberately changed since it was written.
  2. Therefore everything in it must be false.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

BIBLICAL PROPHECIES ARGUMENT

  1. Jesus clearly did not fulfill all the prophecies of the Jews.
  2. That’s why there are still Jews today.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

THE LACK OF STEWARDSHIP ARGUMENT (aka THE ENVIRONMENTALIST’S ARGUMENT)

  1. The Bible says that God gave us the earth to take care of it.
  2. We don’t take care of it.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE 2nd LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS

  1. All systems become chaotic.
  2. The Universe, too, will become chaotic.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM IPUs

  1. Invisible pink unicorns don’t exist.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE

  1. What’s the meaning of life?
  2. [Theist gives their answer]
  3. That’s not what I believe.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC

  1. There are some things in logic that you can’t logically demonstrate.
  2. Therefore you have to take them on faith.
  3. But faith in logic is not the same as faith in God.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM VENUS

  1. If you twist the details enough, you can make a case for Venus, as a comet, causing the Biblical catastrophes.
  2. Therefore the Bible is false.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CAN’T-BE-A-RACIST

  1. Hubert Henry Harrison, A. Philip Randolph, J. A. Rogers, George S. Schuyler, John G. Jackson, John Henrik Clarke, Yosef ben-Jochannan, Bobby E. Wright, John Ragland, James Forman, Deborah Clark, James Baldwin, W. E. B. DuBois, Richard Wright, and Gregory Gross are all famous black people who didn’t believe in God.
  2. I don’t think you want to say black people are fools?
  3. That’s what I thought.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM JESUS’ TORTURE (aka ARGUMENT FROM SUFFERING)

  1. Christians say that no one ever, ever suffered as much as Jesus did on the cross.
  2. But what about victims of the Inquisition?
  3. What about the women burned at the stake or hanged as witches?
  4. What about all the people who died thinking they were going to Hell?
  5. If God were all good, He wouldn’t let anyone suffer like that.
  6. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SEVERABILITY

  1. Lots of ridiculous statements are made by people who claim to be Real Christians.
  2. They just give Real Christians a bad name.
  3. Real Christians don’t believe the Bible is literally true.
  4. That means the Bible isn’t true.
  5. And the Bible isn’t the Word of God.
  6. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE

  1. Because.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ELABORATED ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE

  1. Because.
  2. Because why?
  3. Because!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM “LET’S JUST NOT BELIEVE”

  1. All belief systems should be treated the same as the scientific one.
  2. [Theist: Why?]
  3. Because they have their own grounds.
  4. Anyway, that’s my experience of how the world works.
  5. [Theist: It’s not mine. And why should you treat claims of UFOs and aliens more seriously than claims of God’s existence?]
  6. I believe there are UFOs and aliens.
  7. But I don’t believe in God.
  8. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM UNIQUE EXISTENCE

  1. God may exist, but not in a way that anything else that exists exists.
  2. Since there are no other things that exist as God may exist, we are free to make up things about God’s state of existence that ensure his continued non-observability
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NEGATIVE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE

  1. More people have had negative religious experiences in the context of Western theism.
  2. Therefore, God is cruel, unjust and unloving.
  3. [Theist: What about the people who have had positive experiences? Or experiences of God’s existence?]
  4. They don’t count.
  5. Therefore, God is just the way I describe Him to be.
  6. Oh, yeah. And God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RIGHTS

  1. The Constitution is the the basis of U.S. law.
  2. Therefore, the Declaration of Independence is meaningless.
  3. The Constitution created our rights.
  4. The DoI is wrong in saying that our rights come from God.
  5. You have rights, don’t you?
  6. Well where do you think they came from?
  7. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FUTURE EVIDENCE

  1. It doesn’t seem to make sense that there would logically be a God.
  2. I know He’s not real, and that in the future I think that maybe something will happen probably that will show you all that He isn’t.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM POSTULATE

  1. To fully understand the following demonstration, you must first assume that God doesn’t exist.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM POOR TYPING SKILLS

  1. In tihs essae ill demnstrate that gOd deosnt exsits in a way tat’s so sure thatno thesit can PSOosibly reftue. J will firts dwmonsrtate waht we canaSSUme fo rGod nonexisnce,,then how wwe can refute anya rgument wihch pretends teh contrrary to eb true,tehn wel’l expose scinetific evidnece thatGod dosen’t eeexists then we’ll cnolcude. yOU will fnid an acurate&up6to6date bibliography no teh page 43 of tihs essay;i Sugegst yu to pritn iths doculent for a mroe confortable raeding.
  2. [Theist doesn’t bother to read it]
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM UNTRANSLATED OLD NON-ENGLISH LANGUAGE

  1. [Atheist quotes paragraph from a historic European non-believer in that person’s original language and does not bother to provide a translation]
  2. How could you possibly refute that?
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CLEVER USE OF VOCABULARY

  1. Many theists will not be convinced by an argument with “Therefore, God doesn’t exist” as its conclusion.
  2. Consequently, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE

  1. I don’t understand Creationism; I mean how could God create the universe?
  2. (Well informed theist gives articulate explanation of Creationism and gently explains that evolution is a crock.)
  3. Well it seems way too complicated and unlikely to me. Plus I don’t want to live my life thinking I was created by some imaginary sky-daddy.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist and Jesus is a myth.
  5. (Theist argues that atheist’s ignorance of Creationism does not logically lead to the conclusion that there is no God.)
  6. Says you! Get bent.
  7. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CHURCH

  1. Lots of people don’t go to church.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PHOTO-OP (ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE II)

  1. A couple of federal judges ruled in 2002 that the Pledge was unconstitutional because it states “one nation, under God.
  2. Almost immediately thereafter, the whole U.S. Senate recited the Pledge, including “under God,” in the Capitol.
  3. The Senators’ conduct was just a bunch of political posturing and/or vote whoring.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DEFENESTRATION

  1. If God exists, then He’d protect you if I pushed you out this third story window.
  2. [Christian tries to explain the fallacy of that position]
  3. *shove*
  4. See! God didn’t protect you, just like I predicted! Any counterarguments, Christian?
  5. No?
  6. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS

  1. This pizza tastes funny.
  2. That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.
  3. Purple llamas can’t juggle chainsaws.
  4. It must be evolution!
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MYTHOLOGY (aka ARGUMENT FROM COPYCATTING III)

  1. The Old Religions were the source of stories in the Bible.
  2. The Old Religions were all false.
  3. Therefore, I must be right.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ACCUSATION

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. Therefore, YOU know that God doesn’t exist.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NOT-BELIEVING

  1. The New Testament says unbelievers would question Christians.
  2. Hardly any do.
  3. Therefore the bible is false.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS

  1. Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as primate food.
  2. They’re so good that they must have evolved along with primates.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM METEORS (aka ARGUMENT FROM FALWELL)

  1. I think that Jerry Falwell believes that God hates gay people (though he has said otherwise, but he is lying).
  2. God listens to everything Jerry Falwell says.
  3. Disney World held a Gay Day parade.
  4. God could punish Disney World by sending hurricanes, earthquakes, and possibly a meteor to Florida.
  5. God didn’t, thus disproving both postulate 1 and 2.
  6. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS

  1. A bunch of miners got trapped.
  2. A bunch of people worked around the clock for a week to rescue them.
  3. If God existed, He could have just teleported them out of the mine.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TEENAGE ATHEIST SKATEBOARD RATS

  1. God is bogus!
  2. Like, totally, dude!
  3. Therefore, God, like, doesn’t exist and stuff.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INABILITY

  1. The Bible says believers will be able to perform miracles greater than Jesus.
  2. Can you at least turn water into wine or, better yet, beer?
  3. No? Well there ya go.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL ABILITY

  1. I lifted a car off my trapped puppy.
  2. I did that without God.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION

  1. Satan is good.
  2. I’d rather be on Satan’s side. At least I will be able to drink myself into a stupor, smoke pot, gamble, watch porn, swear, have promiscuous sex, etc.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION AS USED BY A TEENAGE ATHEIST SKATEBOARD RATS

  1. Satan is really cool, dude.
  2. You really wanna, like, be like Satan, right dude?
  3. Therefore God, like, doesn’t exist and stuff. Totally.

ARGUMENT FROM BUFFALO (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT IV)

  1. The Indians used every part of the buffalo.
  2. Creation is insufficient to explain why they could do this.
  3. It had to have evolved!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY

  1. Bite me.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY, ACCEPTED

  1. Bite me.
  2. OW! YOU BIT ME!
  3. I’m being persecuted!!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist!

ARGUMENT FROM NEW AGEYNESS

  1. If enough people just don’t believe, God won’t exist.
  2. Lots of people have been unbelieving for a very long time.
  3. Therefore, surely by NOW, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ROUNDNESS (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT V)

  1. Isn’t it amazing how perfectly round the planets are?
  2. Gravity made this happen.
  3. [Theist: Yes, and?]
  4. Gravity, not God.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist!

ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN FAITH

  1. The sun will rise tomorrow.
  2. I have no doubt about it.
  3. No, I can’t prove it.
  4. It just will.
  5. Faith? No. I have science, so I don’t need faith.
  6. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM IMPLIED UGLINESS (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT VI)

  1. If you were created by God, you’d be beautiful.
  2. But look how ugly you are, and the world that is around you.
  3. God would have never made you or the world so ugly.
  4. I don’t care if ugliness is totally subjective!
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BRAINWASHING

  1. Christians claim that we have been brainwashed by secular colleges & universities in their futile thinking, and by secular reasoning.
  2. We can just as easily say that Christians have been brainwashed by churches and the clergy.
  3. Their brainwashing keeps them from the truth, rationality and freethought.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNISM

  1. All communists weren’t bad. Haven’t you read history?
  2. All communists were atheists.
  3. Therefore they were right.
  4. Since atheists are more moral than Christians, they are good.
  5. Therefore they are right.
  6. This argument does so make sense!
  7. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM GOOD AND BAD BEHAVIOR

  1. Sometimes I do good things and sometimes I do bad things.
  2. When I do something good, it is because I choose to.
  3. God has nothing to do with it.
  4. When I do something bad, it is because I choose to.
  5. The Devil has nothing to do with it.
  6. Whatever I do, it proves that neither God nor the Devil is real.
  7. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER (II)

  1. Real men like beer.
  2. God didn’t make beer and Jesus only made wine.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TAXATION

  1. Churches don’t pay taxes.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PLANS FOR THE WORLD

  1. There is no plan for the world.
  2. The non-existence of a plan can be seen from the fact that things are the way they are.
  3. My non-belief is not part of any plan, and neither is your belief.
  4. [Theist: Why not?]
  5. This is too complex for your mind to comprehend.
  6. Just accept that there is no plan for the world.
  7. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HIT-AND-RUN

  1. [Atheist creates message board account and logs in]
  2. “GOD IS FONEY AND ALL U STOOPID THEIST MOREONS WILL ROT IN JAIL MARK MY WERDS!!!!!!!!@#3FD”
  3. [Atheist logs off and never returns]
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PECULIARITY

  1. Evolution made us peculiar people.
  2. Stop laughing, foul believer.
  3. In order to preserve our own particular peculiarity—
  4. Stop laughing, I said.
  5. We must be a people apart.
  6. This means not listening to anyone who believes differently than we do, because this would taint our peculiarity.
  7. If you do not stop laughing—
  8. (Oh, I have to do the end of the argument).
  9. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.
  10. And God especially doesn’t exist because believers are laughing at us, which means we’re persecuted, which means we’re special.
  11. Therefore, (once again) God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENTUM FROM TINKERTOYS

  1. Take some tinkertoys and make several “creations”.
  2. Add and/or subtract pieces from the creations.
  3. Repeat as many times as you wish.
  4. The tinkertoys are evolving.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITAL (aka ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF MIRACLES II)

  1. A dear relative of mine was terminally ill and undergoing extensive surgery in the hospital.
  2. My whole family sat outside the OR and prayed through the entire eight hours of surgery.
  3. He died.
  4. The doctors said there was nothing they could do to save him.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WEIRD

  1. You look weird, theist.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS

  1. I was once abducted by aliens.
  2. The Bible doesn’t say anything about aliens.
  3. If aliens exist, then God doesn’t.
  4. You’ve seen the X-files, haven’t you?
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF REVELATION

  1. God should be able to tell me He exists.
  2. I don’t hear God telling me anything.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FORCE

  1. [Argument from theist]
  2. [Atheist shoots theist]
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM NAZIISM

  1. Hitler was trying to establish a Christian theocracy.
  2. Therefore, Hitler was a theist.
  3. Hitler was the worst leader possible.
  4. Therefore, all theists are bad people.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM UNCONSCIOUS ATHEISM

  1. Theists think God created life.
  2. Well, they shouldn’t if they thought about it really, really hard.
  3. Evolution is enough to explain the creation of life.
  4. So theists shouldn’t believe in God, if they weren’t so dumb.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNICATION FROM GOD

  1. I had this incredible experience that I attest to natural causes stemming from evolution.
  2. [Theist says, “Couldn’t there be a message from God?”]
  3. No, I’m telling you this could be only be explained naturally.
  4. [Theist suggests alternate explanations q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y and z which all involve God.]
  5. No, none of those can explain it.
  6. Because they can’t!
  7. [Theist is not convinced.]
  8. How dare you deny my special experience!
  9. [Theist tries to explain that s/he’s only questioning the atheist’s interpretation of that experience, and not the claim that something special was experienced.]
  10. You just don’t want to believe that what I experienced wasn’t from God, because you are a closed-minded, dogmatic theist!
  11. And also, you are a big meanie and I’m not talking to you anymore!
  12. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM COLTRANE

  1. John Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme” is dedicated to God.
  2. John Coltrane’s “A Love Supreme” is full of passion.
  3. John Coltrane, like every other theist, is full of it.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE HARRISON

  1. George Harrison wrote “My Sweet Lord,” a song about finding God.
  2. George Harrison is dead.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE POPE

  1. The pope believes in God.
  2. The pope, like every other theist, is full of it.
  3. I hate the pope.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM GAME THEORY

  1. Atheist: [after lengthy explanation] Hence, pursuant to game theory, non-belief in an afterlife is the most sensible option.
  2. Theist: Wait a minute. That’s just a modified Pascal’s Wager.
  3. Aheist: Nuh uh!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MARSHALL BRAIN

  1. Here are some Bible passages.
  2. I interpret these passages differently than Christians do.
  3. My interpretations don’t make sense.
  4. Therefore, God does not exist.

“FALSE BECAUSE IT IS INCONSISTENT” ARGUMENT

  1. If the Bible authors were truly inspired by God, it would have been perfect and seamless and without any apparent inconsistencies.
  2. But the Bible is inconsistent, erroneous, and plain goofy at many places
  3. So the Bible is NOT a product of your sky-daddy and is without question the product of some smooth-talking manipulative authors.
  4. Hence the Bible isn’t the word of God.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BUZZWORDS

  1. As game theory clearly shows, the complex nature of the universe indicates probabilistic fine-tuning at the quantum level and renders God logically unnecessary.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (I)

  1. Things hurt.
  2. Theists say that God takes away all our hurt.
  3. They really are stupid, aren’t they?
  4. Atheists are smarter than that.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (II)

  1. Some things hurt a lot.
  2. Theists say that God takes away all our hurt.
  3. But since they can’t derive “ought” from “is,” their belief presupposes the non-existence of God.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

EXISTENTIAL ARGUMENT FROM EVIL (aka ARGUMENT FROM POWER)

  1. I have a gun.
  2. [Theist: “Ouch!!!”]
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY

  1. The difference in religions disproves God’s existence.
  2. Everyone knows and understands this.
  3. Well, everyone who matters, anyway.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS LANGUAGE

  1. God doesn’t exist.
  2. Therefore, when I talk about God or related concepts, these words denote something.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION

  1. Science is always true.
  2. Science says that there is a vanishingly small chance that all of this could have happened on its own.
  3. But it obviously did happen on its own no matter how small the chance because we’re here now talking about it.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE

  1. Science is always true.
  2. Therefore there is no room for religious faith.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (III)

  1. Things hurt.
  2. Theists claim that things hurting are part of God’s plan.
  3. They also claim that a lot of the good things in life only come through suffering.
  4. This is a load of hogwash since an all-good, all-loving God would not allow pain and suffering.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM GUNS (II)

  1. We have a gun.
  2. In fact, we have a lot more guns than you do.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON

  1. Graham Chapman appeared in a film that made fun of Jesus.
  2. Graham Chapman died of a horrible, incurable disease.
  3. I can’t believe in a God that doesn’t have a sense of humor about himself.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WAR

  1. War is worse than Hell.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ELVIS

  1. Some people call Jesus “the King.”
  2. But we know Elvis was the only “King.”
  3. Even believers can have a glimpse of wisdom.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

LINGUAL ARGUMENT

  1. Some people claim that there’s existence in nonexistence.
  2. Some of those people are theists.
  3. But I am going to apply that silly argument to the whole of theism.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

THE CIRCULAR DIVINE POWER ARGUMENT

  1. If God exists, then His existence must be the work of God.
  2. This is a circular argument that I pulled out of my nether regions. It has no basis in logic or reality.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM OPPRESSION (related to the various ARGUMENTS FROM OFFENSIVENESS)

  1. God doesn’t exists.
  2. [Theist asks any one of various questions, or even just starts to ask them]
  3. Are you saying that God does exist?
  4. You’re oppressing me! You’re depriving me of the right to disbelieve in God if I want to!
  5. Oppression is bad.
  6. Therefore, you are bad.
  7. Therefore, you must be wrong.
  8. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WHEAT

  1. A grain of wheat will always fall to the ground and the outer shell “dies”.
  2. But see, eventually the grain will grow into a fuller, more vital form.
  3. Hey, that’s evolution for ya!
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WARM & FUZZY THINGS

  1. When I was a theist, I didn’t have any warm & fuzzy things in my life.
  2. I really like warm & fuzzy things.
  3. If the Judeo-Christian God exists, He would’ve made sure I go lots of warm & fuzzy things to make me happy.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE (II)

  1. Everything was fine until man created theism to take the place of science.
  2. Science is still alive and well.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICA

  1. God bless America?
  2. How did God bless America on 9/11?
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MASSIVE OPIATES

  1. Got to keep the public distracted.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM KING JOSIAH

  1. No time to expand the kingdom.
  2. Therefore God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM THE ACLU

  1. I say God doesn’t exist.
  2. I could sue you and have you locked up, you know.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM IT’S MY BALL AND YOU CAN’T PLAY

  1. There is abundant logical and empirical evidence that God does not exist.
  2. There is no evidence that God does exist.
  3. I know because I play by a different set of rules.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DISCOMFORT

  1. I am happy not believing in God.
  2. Then you come along and say all this nasty stuff to take my happiness away.
  3. *sniff*… *sniff*… why are you making me uncomfortable?
  4. Anyone who makes other people uncomfortable must be different. And bad. And ignorant.
  5. Daddy will hug me!
  6. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ARTIFACT

  1. Archeologists have never found the remains of some places and events mentioned in the Bible.
  2. So the Bible is false.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist
  4. What? “Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence?” That only applies to things that disprove God. Stop trying to use that against us!

ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES (I)

  1. Sometimes a bad person hurts little babies because he doesn’t have a happy life.
  2. An all-good, all-loving God wouldn’t let this happen.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES (II)

  1. Sometimes little babies are different from one another – how could you explain that?! Like, one will be really happy, and another will be sad. Sometimes even twins.
  2. This proves evolution.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM A VIDEO I WATCHED WITH MY DAD

  1. Me and my dad watched this video about evolution.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WHAT YEAR IT IS

  1. The years of our calendar traditionally have been dated from the birth of Christ.
  2. But now we’ve got a “new” system of dating called the “Common Era” system.
  3. Basically, all it does is use the same reckoning (i.e. from the birth of Christ), but we’ve changed the designations from “B.C.” and “A.D.” to a more atheist-pleasing “B.C.E.” and “C.E.” That way, we don’t have to acknowledge that the birth of Christ was a significant or even an actual event in history.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EARTH-CENTRISM

  1. A few hundred years ago, people thought that everything in the universe revolved around the earth.
  2. Some of those people were theists, but they were taking their cues from the scientists of the time.
  3. I’ll just ignore that last part and blame it on the theists.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM UNKNOWN QUALITIES

  1. Theists claim that God has qualities we mere humans can’t possibly know.
  2. If we can’t know them, then how can we know He even exists?
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVING MISGUIDEDNESS

  1. Atheist: X, Y, and Z all prove God is cruel and evil in the Bible and that He doesn’t exist.
  2. Theist: But I can refute X, Y, Z and unsaid arguments A, B, and C…
  3. Atheist: Don’t worry, you’re wrong and your questioning my arguments just proves how stupid and arrogant you are.
  4. Theist: But you haven’t said anything rational.
  5. Atheist: God is a lie. Duh.
  6. Therefore God doesn’t exist.
  7. Repeat 4, [3|5] ad infinitum.

ARGUMENT FROM NOT FEELING GOD’S PRESENCE

  1. Theists always say they can feel God’s presence.
  2. If God existed, He could use his omnipotence to make everyone feel his presence.
  3. I’ve never felt God’s presence.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WILLFUL IGNORANCE

  1. It simply doesn’t make sense that an unseen, all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good sky-daddy created the world out of nothingness, from magic, essentially, and then punished us for eating a piece of fruit, and then incarnated himself in human flesh and came down to shed his own blood so he could break his own rules, and then went through hell on a temporary basis and then went back into the sky and promised to come back and take everyone who believed in him to this heaven no one has ever seen?
  2. Don’t bother trying to explain it to me or tell me how I’ve falsely portrayed God. I like being an atheist.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM WILLFUL IGNORANCE, ADDENDUM

  1. Theist: Yes, it does.
  2. Atheist: See, you’re confusing the issue again! Think Simple and Sensible!
  3. Therefore, doesn’t God exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN

  1. Scientific American published an article that shows creationism is nonsense.
  2. Theists argue that the first editor of Scientific American was a Christian.
  3. Thankfully, things have changed for the better.
  4. Christians shouldn’t have anything to do with science or scientific publications.
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (II)

  1. A creation ministry copied and replied to the full text of an article from Scientific American.
  2. SA sent only one email to that ministry saying that they don’t necessarily want their articles distributed for free in the internet by just anyone.
  3. The ministry was obviously in the wrong even though SA can’t prove that the article wasn’t used under the rules of “fair use.”
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM PEPPERED MOTHS

  1. Science textbooks rightly use the “peppered moths” to prove evolution.
  2. Theists say that peppered moths prove creationism.
  3. Obviously theists have no clue what they’re talking about.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RADIO SIGNALS

  1. There are many radio signals floating around our heads all the time.
  2. God could use them to communicate to us.
  3. I haven’t heard from God.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM INDIA

  1. [Non-believer asks if the theist would still call his religious experiences Christian if he had been raised in another country]
  2. [Theists questions the validity of “what if” arguments]
  3. [Non-believer takes that as proof that the theist is “full of it”]
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BESTSELLERDOM

  1. The Bible is the best-selling work in history.
  2. Just because it’s popular doesn’t mean it’s the Word of God.
  3. And there’s plenty of evidence to suggest it’s not.
  4. [Sound of theist squirting milk out his nose]
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

MODIFIED TRILEMMA ARGUMENT

  1. Jesus was either Lord, liar, or lunatic.
  2. He was obviously one or both of the latter two, but I can’t prove it.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ANARCHY

  1. There is no objective truth to the universe.
  2. If there were, we wouldn’t have to be constantly fighting against anarchy.
  3. We wouldn’t need courts or governments or anything.
  4. [Theist falls out of her chair from laughing so hard]
  5. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE RIGHT

  1. God saves the king/queen.
  2. There have been several kings/queens who have died.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES

  1. I flippantly say that I can conceive of a square circle, though I can’t possibly even begin to describe what it would look like.
  2. Obviously God can’t make a square circle, or they would exist.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist

ARGUMENT FROM DICTATORSHIP

  1. Many dictators claimed to be following God.
  2. Dictators are wrong.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM TERROR

  1. The lightning storm filled me with the terror.
  2. God is obviously cruel and evil.
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MEANING

  1. God is not needed for things to have meaning.
  2. I mean…
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM QUALITY OF LIFE

  1. Quite simply, the non-theist life is better than the theist life.
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM GAME SHOWS

  1. I have 55 contradictions I found in the Bible, and you have 15 seconds to answer them.
  2. (Theme from “Jeapardy” plays in the background)
  3. AAHHHHHH… Time’s up. So sorry; there are no parting gifts.
  4. Therefore God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RIDICULOUS COMPARISON

  1. Some people believe that God exists.
  2. Some people believe that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny exist.
  3. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny do not exist.
  4. Therefore, God does not exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CONTRAST

  1. Theists believe that God is supernatural and always existed.
  2. “Supernatural” contrasts “natural”.
  3. Therefore, nothing that is “supernatural” can exist unless something which is “natural” exists at the same time.
  4. Things that are natural didn’t exist until the universe began to exist
  5. Therefore, that which is supernatural could not have always existed
  6. Therefore, God does not exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MEASUREMENTS

  1. Theists say that God is everywhere.
  2. If God was everywhere, our instruments that measure things would show that he’s there.
  3. They don’t.
  4. Therefore, God does not exist

ARGUMENT FROM NIETZSCHE or ARGUMENT FROM THE FASIONABILITY OF QUOTING NIETZSCHE

  1. Nietzsche says God is dead.
  2. Anyone who says that God is dead must be highly intelligent.
  3. Anyone who is highly intelligent can be trusted to make only true statements.
  4. Therefore Nietzsche was smart and was speaking the truth when he said that God is dead.
  5. Therefore God is dead (ie God does not exist).

ARGUMENT FROM MARX

  1. Marx says that religion is the opium of the masses.
  2. If I’m seen reading a copy of the Communist Manifesto, it’ll make me look like an intellectual.
  3. Therefore God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM FREUD

  1. Freud says that God is just wish-fulfillment.
  2. Any intangible concept that I wish for, other than good weather, good grades, happiness, love, respect and friendship, cannot exist.
  3. Therefore God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM DESPERATION

  1. If there is any possibility, even one in a billion billion billion, that the universe could exist without God’s help, then that’s exactly what happened.
  2. Therefore, God does not exist.

ARGUMENT FROM MAJORITY RULES

  1. God must not exist, since the majority of people on Earth aren’t Christians.
  2. Theist – “But the majority of the people on Earth DO believe in God, so, by your logic, God DOES exist.”
  3. So? Are you saying that the majority of people believing something automatically makes it true?
  4. Theist – “Ummm…no…”
  5. Therefore, God does not exist.

ARGUMENT FROM ASSUMPTION

  1. Therefore, God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CONFUSION

  1. Your Bible says God is not the author of confusion.
  2. I get confused all the time.
  3. Therefore, God does not exist.

ARGUMENT FROM BLISS

  1. Ignorance is bliss.
  2. Theists seem pretty happy a lot of the time
  3. Therefore, theists are ignorant.
  4. Therefore, God does not exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CONTRADICTING YOURSELF

  1. There’s proof that God doesn’t exist. You want some?
  2. Neither side can prove or disprove God’s existence.
  3. Therefore God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM RICHARD DAWKINS

  1. God is a 747
  2. God is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction…a petty unjust, unforgiving control freak; a vindicative bloodthristy ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.
  3. Therefore God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS

  1. Religion poisons everything
  2. Like for example, Religion slipped arsenic into my coke
  3. Therefore God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM SAM HARRIS

  1. I think faith is stupid.
  2. I actually have no clue what faith means, but I think it’s stupid.
  3. The Bible doesn’t talk about DNA
  4. Therefore God doesn’t exist.

ARGUMENT FROM EXTREME SEXUAL LIBERALISM

  1. The Bible says we can’t have sex with running lawnmowers
  2. This is obviously extremely unfair
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist

ARGUMENT FROM ALL THE PROBLEMS IN HISTORY

  1. Religion is responsible for all the problems in history
  2. For example, I stubbed my toe on a stone altar
  3. If religion hadn’t put that stone alter there, my toe wouldn’t have hurt.
  4. Therefore, God doesn’t exist

ARGUMENT FROM PSEUDONYMS (AKA THE STANDARD INTERNET SKEPTIC ARGUMENT)

  1. Bob Turkel
  2. Therefore, God doesn’t exist

ARGUMENT FROM ATHEIST POOP

  1. (Theist points out the infinite complexity of the universe)
  2. Atheist: Oh yeah! Well MY POOP is complex!
  3. Therefore, God doesn’t exist*

*This actually happened to a reader of Tektonics