An Atheist Mouthpiece

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“Meet just one of those people”
Penn Jillette

“We aren’t people who believe that just because we’re performers our opinions on everything need to be known.”― Penn Jillette

“I have to agree with that statement too bad he doesn’t take his own advice and I would add it is better to be silent and thought a fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt”

You don’t have to be brave or a saint, a martyr, or even very smart to be an atheist. All you have to be able to say is “I don’t know”.”
― Penn Jillette, God, No!: Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales

“Is it just me or would that make you an agnostic, just imagine an atheist who just admits he does not know?

“We knew that we were kind of odd and creeps, and we wanted to do odd, creepy stuff for people who wanted to see that”.― Penn Jillette

“And now he spouts off every chance he gets just to get his gob in the media, whatever works I guess. Controversy sells.”

“Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around. If you’re looking for violent rape imagery, the Bible’s right there in your hotel room. If you just want to look up ways to screw people up, there it is, and you’re justified because God told you to.”― Penn Jillette

“If that’s not about 5 logical fallacies in one statement and deserving of one face palm I don’t know what is.”

“I’m a hardcore libertarian – I want everything legal – but I also believe that you have the right to free association.”― Penn Jillette

I’m guessing that applies to everything but religion…

“Atheism is a religion like not collecting stamps is a hobby.”
― Penn Jillette

“If there’s something you really want to believe, that’s what you should question the most.” ― Penn Jillette
Kinda like a belief that there is no god?

“God works in mysterious, inefficient, and breathtakingly cruel ways.”― Penn Jillette

He knows this how?

I believe that there is no God. I’m beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy — you can’t prove a negative, so there’s no work to do.
I’m saying, “This I believe: I believe there is no God.”― Penn Jillette

Now he wants to be a believer… https://agnostichumor.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/coin-toss/

Atheists are also morally obligated to tell the truth as we see it.

I wonder what truth do the know about god exactly?

We should preach and proselytize too.

Nobody talks more about god than someone who is in denial about his existance.

We need to help believers. Someone who believes in god is wasting big parts of his or her life, holding back science and love, and giving “moral” support to dangerous extremists.

Believers need your help like they need to see another card trick.

If you believe something, you must share it; it’s one of the ways we all learn about truth.― Penn Jillette

And the truth is

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And everything else out of his gob is just rhetoric.

 

 

 

Agnostic Jokes 10

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Three women die A Christian an Atheist and an Agnostic and are at the gates of heaven and St. Peter pops up and says “Before you enter heaven you must each answer one question correctly”.

 

The agnostic was asked “Who was the first man on earth?” to which she replied “I don’t know” and was allowed into heaven.

 

The Christian was asked “Who was the first woman on earth?” to which she replied “Eve” and was allowed into heaven.

 

The Atheist was asked “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?” to which she replied “Ohh! That’s a hard one.”

 

Agnostic Question1

 

With so much turmoil in the world, God decided to pay a visit to earth to check things out. He strolled into a bar and approached the first man he saw. “If you believe in me enough to give me $50,” he said, “I will grant you eternal life.”
“Sorry, I’m an atheist,” the fellow replied, “and have never believed in God.”
God walked up to another man and made the same offer. “Well, I’m an agnostic and not really sure if I believe in you or not,” the guy said, “but here’s 50 bucks, just in case.”
As the Lord turned away, a third man ran up to him. “I’m Pat Robertson and don’t really care if you’re God or not,” he said excitedly. “Just teach me the trick you did with the agnostic and I’ll give you $100.”

 

Agnostic Question1

 

A man sees a boy with a box of kittens
the man goes over and says “oh what cute kittens!” the boy replies “yes they are Atheist kittens“. About a week later the man sees the boy again with the same batch of kittens. Once again he walks over and says “my, those are just adorable!” the boy replies “yes, they are Agnostic kittens” the man asks “wait, weren’t they Atheist before?” the boy looks at the man and says” yeah but they have their eyes open now

 

Agnostic Question1

 

An Atheist is rowing his boat on Loch Ness when he spots the infamous huge monster moving straight at him. As Nessie towers and lunges at him, the Atheist shouts, “Please God, help me!” Time freezes. A voice from heaven asks, “Why should I help you now? You didn’t even believe in me five seconds ago.” The Atheist replies, “Hey, give me a break. Five seconds ago, I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness Monster, either!”

 

Agnostic Question1

 

A)    How many agnostics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

B)    I don’t know, how many agnostics does it take?

C)    I don’t know.

 

Agnostic Question1

 

An agnostic dies and finds himself being greeted by Moses and Mohammed.

‘How is it I got here? I didn’t believe’, asks the agnostic.

‘Well’, says Moses, ‘it is not what you believe, it is how you lived. Anyway follow me’.

As they walk along Moses points out the Jews, the Muslims, and Buddhists. They came up to a wall and as the agnostic starts to ask another question, Moses whispers, ‘Quiet, on the other side are the Christians, and they don’t think anyone else is up here’..

 

Agnostic Question1

 

Christians run a restaurant called Belief. It’s a place to place an order get what you want and you always get what you pay for.

Atheists run a restaurant called Dogmatic Rhetoric. It’s a place where they decide what you want and you have two choices, take it or leave it.

Agnostic’s run a restaurant called Karma. It’s a place where there is no need to place any order. You are automatically served what you deserve.

 

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Agnostic Jokes 9

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The 10 Commandments of Logical Fallacies

1. Thou shall not attack the person’s character, but the argument. (Ad hominem)

2. Thou shall not misrepresent or exaggerate a person’s argument in order to make them easier to attack. (Straw man fallacy)

3. Thou shall not use small numbers to represent the whole. (Hasty generalization)

4. Thou shall not argue thy position by assuming one of its premises is true. (Begging the question)

5. Thou shall not claim that because something occurred before, it must be the cause. (Post Hoc/False cause)

6. Thou shall not reduce the argument down to two possibilities. (False dichotomy)

7. Thou shall not argue that because of our ignorance, claim must be true or false. (Ad ignorantium)

8. Thou shall not select only the supporting information and ignore everything that goes against the claim. (Cherry-picking)

9. Thou shall not assume “this” follows “that” when it has no logical connection. (Non sequitur)

10. Thou shall not claim that because a premise is popular, therefore it must be true.(Bandwagon fallacy)

 

Agnostic Question1

12 Signs You May Be Atheist Fundie…

1. You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday School. Your ideas about God haven’t changed since.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

2. You think that the primary aim of an omni-benevolent God is for people to have FUN.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

3. Although you’ve memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn’t exist, you still think you’re God’s gift to the ignorant masses.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

4. You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

5. You spend hours arguing that atheism actually means “the lack of belief in gods” and not just “belief that god does not exist”, as if this is a meaningful distinction in real life.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

6. You can make the existence of pink unicorns the center-piece of a philosophical critique.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

7. You’re a spoiled fifteen year old boy who lives in the suburbs and you go into a chat room to declare that, “I know there is no God because no loving God would allow anyone to suffer as much as I…hold on. My cell phone’s ringing.”

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

8. You believe that if something cannot be touched, seen, heard, or measured in some way, then it must not exist, yet you fail to see the irony of your calling Christians “narrow-minded”.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

9. You believe that priests are only in it for the money, despite the fact that they make less than almost anyone else with their level of education.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

10. Your only knowledge of The Bible comes from searching ‘bible contradictions’ in Google.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

11. You believe the movie Dogma gives the most accurate portrayal of Christian theology.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

12. You refuse to eat at Church’s Chicken, and it’s NOT because the chicken’s too greasy.

You May Be Atheist Fundie…

 

Agnostic Question1

 

Why is it that no matter what color of pink unicorn bubble bath you use the bubbles are always clear?

Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken? What do chickens think atheist fundies taste like, eggs or eggholes?

 

Agnostic Question1

How can you rationalize a belief in the nonexistent and at the same time a non-belief in the nonexistent?

Isn’t it the same thing really? A belief in nothing VS a non-belief in nothing.

Its just an opinion on nothing with no knowledge to support your belief either way you put it….

 

Agnostic Question1

Isn’t trying to prove religion with science like washing your feet with your sox on?

What does science have to do with atheism?

What rocket scientist though that one up? Like me saying I bashed two rocks together in pond scum and failed to make life or dinosaurs so evolution and the beginning of life is false. Scientific proof of philosophy indeed.

 

Agnostic Question1

If two independent experiments failed to replicate the Abiogenesis Theory does it falsify the Theory?

In natural science, abiogenesis or biopoesis is the study of how biological life arises from inorganic matter. (Not ignorance matters, That’s an atheist fundie term)

The two independently conducted experiments one by an agnostic and the other by an atheist team both failed miserably.

The agnostic bashed two rocks together in pond scum and failed to make life or dinosaurs.

While the atheist team bashed their two rocks on bums and also failed to make life as well, although the two proud dads did think for a moment they gave birth to a baby dinosaur. But upon closer inspection they discovered it was just a haemorrhoid that had burst during the experiment. Bummer.

 

Agnostic Question1

If wishes were horses, would atheist fundies ride?

I took my atheist fundie friend horseback riding. He had a blast, until I ran out of quarters. You don’t have to be a zoologist to recognize an atheist fundie jackass 🙂

Whoever coined the phrase “quiet as an atheist fundie” Has clearly never stepped on one.

 

Agnostic Question1

Will there will come a time when an atheist fundie believe everything is finished?

When that time comes it will be the beginning of your agnostic journey. When you can finally answer the question what is the sound of one hand clapping. With a smile and show your enlightenment without breaking the silence you are trying to explain.

And know the answer to this: If who I am is what I have and what I have is lost, then who am I?

Then and only then will your butt release your head from bondage and set you free from Uranus to explore the universe that awaits beyond…

The Agnostologist MacNova Autodidact, Polymath and Agnostic-at-large, Koanmaster And very Zenney Guy.

 

Agnostic Question1

Is the Theory of Relativity like an agnostic with a crunchy peanut butter sandwich?

In that the hardness of crunchy peanut butter is directly proportional to the relative softness of the bread.

And wasn’t that Theory just falsified like the Big bang was a few years ago? I liked the Bouncing Universe Theory myself back then it made perfect sense too 🙂 But the New String theory is plausible.

 

Agnostic Question1

What does science have to do with Atheism?

Is Atheology and Theology branches of Physics or Chemistry do new discoveries in science prove or disprove god?

 

Agnostic Question1

Atheists don’t seem to realize theories are called theories because they are just that … A THEORY… That’s why we have LAWS. Did the flat earth Theory go away because some Atheist told everyone to prove it to him? Or was is when some agnostic came along and said”I don’t know lets see” and proved it was round? Guess that answers Rick’s question.

 

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Kinda works the same way in Law… If I say you killed somebody, I have to prove that you did it. You do not have to prove you didn’t. With Ricks statement saying he can fly. I would look at him and say moron and carry on.

An atheist has already made up their mind on god and even though they as for proof there is nothing they would accept as proof. I’m sure if I showed up at Rickys place with some dude on a donkey ans 12 followers he would call the police. and say moron and carry on …

To the Believers no proof is nessessary to the non believers none is possible and some admit they just don’t know.