Atheos Fun Dieus

Atheio Fun Dieus

Is the atheist fundie god Atheos Fun Dieus real?

Or are atheists fundies still requiring Christians to prove His Funniness exists?

Do atheist fundies consider Atheos Fun Dieus the anti-noodle?

Why is he always pictured with limp noodles and 2 meatballs in his mouth, his chin dripping with marinara sauce. Will the FSM ever be able to fly again?

Does the Fun Dieus Trinity function as a moral night light against God?

Does the Atheos Fun Dieus Trinity function as a moral night light against God?

The atheist fundie trinity consisting of His Funniness Atheos Fun Dieus, The Moon and the Hole Ghost, who the Moon cannot keep off of him.

Do atheist fundies have a copy of the Book of Pages Pt.1?Funny I should ask 🙂

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Pro Creation:

Before the beginning there was a thought a tiny qwerty of light which became a uiop[] of a spark. Which begot The Letters of Thoughts from which came The Sentences of Words to form The Chapters of Paragraphs and behold “The Book of Pages” The Fire that ignited the bangs of all bangs, yes the big one the Big Bang! And there in all His Funniness Gawd His Selfishness Atheos Fun Dieus. With nothing but a dead snake and an apple core to cover his naked snake.

As an agnostic my not knowing is like a peanut butter sandwich caught between two slices of atheist and theist bread. The crunchy peanut butter like agnostism tastes good but a little hard to spread around. Like cold molasses running up hill in winter.

So I notice that atheist Fundies had no scriptures so I wrote one called the Book of Pages. Ya I know I’m not atheist fundie but the authors of the Old Testament were not Christians either…

In the Book of Pages it is written: By His Funniness, Atheos Fun Deius II (Thought he was first but…)

Atheos Fun Dieus 4

Chapter 1.0 Generations

1.0 In the beginning There was a Bang like a really Big Bang and from the smoke arose Atheos Fun Dieus and that was that.

1.1 Atheos Fundy Dieus being alone creates The Hole Ghost. Gay name but who knew back then?

1.2 His funniness and The Hole Ghost become hungry.

1.3 Thus was FSM created from a teapot to satisfy the hunger of the atheist fundie gods.

1.4 The Hole Ghost after sucking up the lion’s share of the spaghetti decided it was time to play.

1.5 Another Hole was needed to play with thus The Hole Ghost begot a Moon for his pleasure.

1.6 And so it was The Atheos Trinity, His Funniness Atheos Fun Dieus, The Moon and The Hole Ghost.

1.7 FSM became afraid of The Atheos Trinity so he decided to create light to obscure the Moon and The Hole Ghost.

1.8 The FSM Looked to the sky and said “Let there be light” A voice from above said “Say please! Mr. Noodles”

1.9 FSM dropped a meat ball, looked at the Atheos Trinity and exclaimed “My God we are not alone!”

A Dieus Amigos.

Atheos Fun Dieus

Chapter 2.0 Rise and fall of FSM

2.0 One day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster said please and separated the water from the heavens

2.1 On another day, because He could not tread water for long and had grown tired of flying, He said please and the land was created—complemented by a beer volcano.

2.2 Satisfied, the Flying Spaghetti Monster overindulged in beer from the beer volcano and woke up hungover.

2.3 Between drunken nights and clumsy afternoons, the Flying Spaghetti Monster produced seas and land

2.4 For a second time, he begged the Voice from above for land, because he forgot that he created it the day before)

2.5 Another day FSM said let there be heaven and the voice from above said “it’s been done Mr. Noodles”

2.6 Next day Mr. Noodles pleaded for followers and Mr. Noodles cringed in fear as two hands come from the heavens and tore two meat balls from his bowels and made two meatheads

2.7 Meathead man a midget was created from the marinara soaked entrails ripped from the bowels of his pastaness , which he named Meat and an equally short woman called meat (small m) lived happily in the Olive Garden of Eden for some time.

2.8 Until the Flying Spaghetti Monster caused a global flood in a cooking accident. This woke up Atheos Fun Dieus and his Funniness was not impressed.

2.9 Atheos Fun Deius wrote FSM a letter called The Funniest of Funnies which was cleverly disguised as the “the funniest joke in the world” and promptly dies laughing. The Hole Ghost can’t stand it and reads the letter and laughs his way into oblivion to remain a ghost forever. The Moon promptly takes to the sky where he remains vigilant to this day. And never gazes upon earth with two eyes for fear he see the Funniest of Funnies.

A Dieus Amigos.

Intermission:

Monty Python
The British Army under the command of Atheist Fundie General Failure used the Funniest of Funnies in a German translation is used for the first time on 8 July 1944 at 9:11 AM in the Ardennes, causing German soldiers to fall down dead from laughter

The Germans attempt counter-jokes. Eventually their best joke is used in action (“There were zwei crunchy peanut butter, walking down the straße, und one was ‘assaulted’… crunchy peanut butter”), but proves in English to be hopelessly bad.
The British joke is laid to rest when “peace broke out” at the end of the war as countries agree to a Joke Warfare ban at the Geneva convention. In 9/11/1950, the last paper copy of the joke is sealed under a monument bearing the inscription “To the Unknown Joke”.

A story that ran for several weeks in the Sunday comics of Li’l Abner during 9/11/1967 concerned the creation of a joke, never actually revealed, that was so funny that anyone who heard it immediately died laughing. For safety reasons, government agents somehow decided to keep the joke hidden in the protective custody of Abner Yokum. Meanwhile, comedian Bob Hope learns of the existence of this “Funniest Joke in the World”, but not about its deadly effects, and decides that he wants to recite it on his next television show. He procures the joke from Abner, and the government agents learn of this development too late to prevent him from reading it on national television. It turns out, however, that before Bob Hope obtained the joke from him, Abner had read the joke, not understood it, and substituted his own favourite joke. It is this joke that Bob Hope reads on the air, to no harmful effect whatsoever.

The Funniest of funnies scroll was stolen on October 5, 1969 at 9:11 PM by a troupe of very unfunny gits and nutters who decoded the funniest of funnies one word at a time. Each translator only translates one word of the joke, so as not to be killed by reading the whole joke. One of them saw two words of the joke and had to spend a few weeks in hospital.

Atheos Fun Dieus recovered the Scroll from a Snake in a Flying Circus name Monty which anagrams to “Crucifying Monthly Snot Spy” Thought to be The Sultan of Swag or servant thereof.

The encoded scroll lies below… called The Funniest of Funnies.

Warning!

By order of his funniness Atheos Fun Deius.

Do not read or you’ll die laughing.

I warn you … If you must read with only one eye. One word per month.

Attention last chance.

The Funniest of Funnies:

Warum sind Agnostiker wie chrunchy Erdnussbutter?

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

A Dieus Amigos.

And now back to the running of the Bull:

Atheos Fun Dieus3

Chapter 3.0 After the beginning

3.0 After the beginning (the antipastifarian), of the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so the new Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

3.1 Then using Atheos Fun Deius’ great gifts, The Sultan of Swag (aka. Satan) created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And The Sultan of Swag said, “You want chocolate with that?”

3.2 And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “and as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. And The Sultan of Swag smiled.

3.3 And Atheos Fun Deius created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And The Sultan of Swag brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

3.4 So Atheos Fun Deius said, “Try my fresh green salad.” And The Sultan of Swag presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

3.5 Atheos Fun Deius then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.” And The Sultan of Swag brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

3.6 Atheos Fun Deius then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it “Angel Food Cake,” and said, “It is good.” The Sultan of Swag then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food Cake.” And soaked it in butterscotch and fudge.

3.7 Atheos Fun Deius then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And The Sultan of Swag gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

3.8 Then Atheos Fun Deius brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And The Sultan of Swag peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

3.9 Atheos Fun Deius then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And The Sultan of Swag created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with that?” And Man replied, “Yes! And super size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest. Atheos Fun Deius sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

A Dieus Amigos.

The Book of Pages it is written: By His Funniness, Atheos Fun Deius, Gawdy of all atheist fundies.

Y,all men

Atheos Fun Dieus2

Chapter 4.0 Atheos Fun Dieus Finds Uranus.

4.0 Atheos Fun Dieus was a simple Gawd with a simple dream: to reach Uranus and claim it as his own. Atheos Fun Dieus has spent an eternity trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe, but he keeps coming back to Uranus. To which General Failure replied with pride I have dreamed of being the first man on Uranus… Any General would be honored to be the first General Failure on Uranus.

4.1 Atheos Fun Dieus then calls General Failure and asks, where can I find Uranus I wish to take it over. To which General Failure replies “Oh I know this! Umm…oh I can’t remember but Uranus is definitely on the tip of my tongue.

4.2 General failure the asks for A Starship made from Toilet paper to go hovering around Uranus looking for Klingons. And because Uranus is a gas giant.

4.3 To which Atheos Fun Dieus says Uranus is only a gas giant part of the time, the rest of the time it’s just a brown dwarf! It is believed that the toxic gases inside Uranus surround a rocky core. SO Be careful General Failure.

4.4 Then Athos Fun Dieus echoes the famous words as General failure prepares to launch the invasion “Keep thinking about Uranus. Never lose sight of it, and then, reach for it and probe it well make it ready to receive me.”

4.5 beware General Failure I see there is a black hole near Uranus. I saw Uranus and the black hole through my tellallscope. Uranus is often seen as a cold and desolate place, but in fact it is extremely volatile and alive.

4.6 Remember when you succeed in you endeavor General Failure Time, and history, will never forget the first man on Uranus.

4.7 Since the dawn of time, Atheos Fun Dieus has been trying to reach and conquer Uranus. And using the brains of the operation General Failure his dream of conquest will become reality.

4.8 Gen. Failure here Gawd I am am now in position to blow my load on Uranus soon. We have plunged quite a few orbiters into Uranus. The group of men who first dared venture to Uranus have never since spoken of what they saw.

4.9 General Failure radios back to Gawd, “What do I do with Uranus as a (w) hole?” Atheos Fun Dieus replies “wipe it out.” After the crap hit the fan and settled down General Failure braod cast these epic words “Uranus is conquered! Now bow down and accept the reign of His Funniness Gawd Atheos Fun Dieus!”
Uranus is crawling with life. No women have ever been to Uranus, but men… they’ve been all over it. General Failure’s last transmission was this… Put your seatbelt on guys, i want to try something…Who is Major Tom …..oh Gawd arrrggggh fark.

A Dieus Amigos.

The Book of Pages it is written: By His Funniness, Atheos Fun Deius, Gawdy of all atheist fundies.

Y,all men

 

Does The Hole Ghost keep sucking the life out of FSM? Will he stop jumping the Moon? Who was the booming voice in the night FSM heard? After the trauma of The Mysterious voice will FSM just be using Moon as a night light? And as a result Does His Funniness Atheos Fun Dieus become the Anti-Noodle to curse FSM for attracting “The Voice” from above? And who is “The Voice” So many questions no proof needed.

Atheos Fun Dieus 5

Atheos Fun Dieus evolved into what we see today…

 

Much of the Book of Atheos has been lost in the Cyber Lands. So if any of you find some floating around out there please let me know. No proof necessary I will know them when I see them. So post lost verses or chapters you find here or drop me an e-mail.

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