Agnostic Jokes

If two independent experiments failed to replicate the Abiogenesis Theory does it falsify the Theory?

In natural science, abiogenesis or biopoesis is the study of how biological life arises from inorganic matter. (Not ignorance matters, That’s an atheist fundie term)

The two independently conducted experiments one by an agnostic and the other by an atheist team both failed miserably.

The agnostic bashed two rocks together in pond scum and failed to make life or dinosaurs.

While the atheist team bashed their two rocks on bums and also failed to make life as well, although the two proud dads did think for a moment they gave birth to a baby dinosaur. But upon closer inspection they discovered it was just a haemorrhoid that had burst during the experiment. Bummer.

Here is an Agnostic Theory… That is unfalsified and so stands as a theory.

The Dark Sucker Theory
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don’t emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room. So with all things, Dark Suckers don’t last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can’t handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it’s not wise to touch an operating candle.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.

Science has nothing to do with Atheism… at all… nothing…nada… as the atheist fundie Gawd Atheos Fun Dieus would say “ba dee ba dee thats all folks…”

Why do atheist fundies use language, is it because of a deep inner need to complain?

It is said a Wise Agnostic can see more from the bottom of a well than a Foolish Atheist Fundie can see from the top of a Mountain of Bull Shit.

The believer is happy, the non-believer is sad, the doubter who knows not, is wise.

Is an atheist fundie trying to find God?

Like looking for a Flying Spaghetti Monster that got lost in a dream one night

Is the Theory of Relativity like an agnostic with a crunchy peanut butter sandwich?

In that the hardness of crunchy peanut butter is directly proportional to the relative softness of the bread.

Is an atheist fundie like someone who wants to understand the universe?

But is too lazy to study physics. Or like wanting to understand Theology and Philosophy without ever studying the Bible. No facts just opinions based on nothing but disbeliefs.

Are atheist fundies destroying Christianity?

Or is it gods way of allowing them to discover it? I don’t know if anyone quotes the bible more than an atheist fundie… Or googles it I should say 🙂

If I could fly and called myself Atheos Fun Dieus would atheist fundies worship me?

And Darwin could be God and Dawkins can be like a prophet and Hawkins can be like R2D2 or WD40 and we could write books and sell them and make money from lack of believers without an institution.

Is an atheist fundies lack of belief based on reality?

And reality is just something, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away like God?

Is trying to provide proof to an atheist harder than knocking a dog off a meat wagon?

And would you believe me if I showed up at your door with a man on a donkey with 12 followers? Really why ask for proof when you will never believe any presented to you. You are not here to debate your here to preach denial.


Is atheism a waste of a life?

If theism is a waste of time then atheism is a waste of life, so why waste your time on either and just admit you don’t know have the time of your life! Look on the bright side… no really

As an agnostic I can see the “Bright side” of both sides without condemning or judging either.

Do all people have the right to stupidity but atheist fundies just abuse the privilege?

Like saying we are all born atheist!!

When I was born agnostic I was so dumbfounded I didn’t even talk for a year and a half. Let alone tell everyone I didn’t believe in a god I never even knew existed.

Atheist fundie quote:
“We were all born atheist because you didn’t even know who god was so how could you believe in him?” … Really?

Seems somebody does not know the difference between belief and knowledge, it’s like what separates atheist from agnostic.

Ya see you were born knowing nothing – Agnostic
You learned about god – Theist
Then you decided not to believe in god – Atheist
The you forgot the description of what it is you don’t believe in and demand the theist prove to you that you don’t believe it – atheist fundie…
That’s when you crossed the line from believing there is no god, to stupidity

Or is it a case of 99% of the atheists fundies making the rest look bad?

Are atheist fundies like a slinky?

Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs 🙂

Don’t pee down my back and tell me it’s raining. I know what I don’t know and I know damn well you don’t know and you know it!
-Militant Agnostic Gnostic proverb
MAG for short

Do atheist fundies take a simple concept and baffle themselves with it?

Make is so complex that they cannot believe in the god they created in their own minds? And ask theists to prove it exists so they can believe it themselves? Any wonder why they believe there is no god?

Why can’t atheist fundies get god out of their head?

Is he trapped in there? …or maybe god is supposed to be there… Maybe use your head and look in there

Dons anyone talk more about god than an atheist fundie who does not believe in god?

“A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.”
– Winston Churchill.
I would ask:

“Does god exist, does consciousness exist, do they both coexist or non-exist? They are one and the same.”

What does it mean to be agnostic?

Agnostics is just not being so open minded that your brain falls out.
It’s the difference between a theological belief in Noah
And an Atheist fundie with Noah Brains.

And feeling like your caught between a dog and a tree with no umbrella. When you are always ahead of others, you are always walking alone


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