Agnostic Jokes 3

A Christian, a Jew, an Agnostic and an Atheist are standing in line to be executed during the French Revolution.

The Christian is first, and he lays down on the guillotine. Before the executioner pulls the lever he shouts, “My god will save me!”. The lever is pulled, and the blade swooshes down, stopping just short of his neck. The executioner, believing a miracle has occurred, figures he can’t kill this man, as so sets him free.

The Jew lays down on the guillotine. Like the christian, he shouts, “My god will save me!”. The lever is pulled, the blade falls, and once again it stops just short of his neck. The executioner, again, believes God is on this man’s side, and lets him go.

The agnostic lays down on the guillotine. The lever is pulled, the blade falls, and once again it stops just short of his neck. The executioner, again, believes God is on this man’s side, and lets him go. He examines the guillotine, finds a rock in the gears, and says to the executioner, “Well here’s your problem…”

Executioner says “bring up the atheist”

Agnostic old guy with young girl
The priest was in a confessional when he heard someone entering the other side. He slid back the screen, but the confessor was silent. The priest said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” said the penitent at last. “I’m a seventy-two year old man, and I’m dating a 21 year old with hige breasts!
“That is not a sin,” the priest assured him.
“But I got her pregnant,” said the old man.
“I see,” said the priest. “This is serious. Are you a good Catholic?”
“Catholic? No, no. I’m agnostic,” said the man
“So why are you telling me all this?” asked the flustered priest.
The agnostic said, “Well, I’m telling everyone. Wouldn’t you?”

A diagnostic is someone who doesn’t know whether there are two gods

Do all people have the right to stupidity but atheist fundies just abuse the privilege?

Like saying we are all born atheist!!

When I was born agnostic I was so dumbfounded I didn’t even talk for a year and a half. Let alone tell everyone I didn’t believe in a god I never even knew existed.

Atheist fundie quote:
“We were all born atheist because you didn’t even know who god was so how could you believe in him?” … Really?

Seems somebody does not know the difference between belief and knowledge, it’s like what separates atheist from agnostic.

Ya see you were born knowing nothing – Agnostic
You learned about god – Theist
Then you decided not to believe in god – Atheist
The you forgot the description of what it is you don’t believe in and demand the theist prove to you that you don’t believe it – atheist fundie…
That’s when you crossed the line from believing there is no god, to stupidity

Or is it a case of 99% of the atheists fundies making the rest look bad?

Why can’t atheist fundies get god out of their head?

Is he trapped in there? …or maybe god is supposed to be there… Maybe use your head and look in there

Dons anyone talk more about god than an atheist fundie who does not believe in god?

“A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.”
– Winston Churchill.
I would ask
“Does god exist, does consciousness exist, do they both coexist or non-exist? They are one and the same.”

Are atheist fundies caught in a Bozone layer and emitting Dopeler Effect Radar?

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Why did God create agnostics before atheists?

My guess would be he didn’t want any stupid advice from a know-it-all?
I would add…
Atheism is prejudice made plausible

What’s the difference between fiction and atheism?

Fiction has to make sense. 🙂

Can an Agnostic not know something and an atheist fundie not understand it?

When you understand something, you cannot not know what you understand.
Like Richard Feynmann put it “If you say you understand quantum physics, you don’t understand quantum physics”

If atheists lack knowledge, they certainly do not understand. Knowing knowledge is not the highest form of wisdom; understanding is. Atheism is the state of learning opinions.

Agnosticism is the state of understanding wisdom. Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change. A wise man does not need advice and a fool won’t take it. An agnostic listens and an atheist fundie just waits until it is their turn to talk.

The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.

What’s important to remember when making coffee for god?

It is very important not to mistake sugar for salt when making coffee, but to believe or not believe in God is not important at all, you can take belief with a grain of salt and your coffee black.

Why can an atheist fundie cite Scripture to no end for his purpose


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